Hope…with a Side of Disappointment

On the menu of life, one can find an array of items to choose from— joy, peace, laughter, adventure…you name it. While those choices sound appetizing, life can also offer many unsavory items— fear, pain, heartbreak, disappointment, etc.

With so many items to choose from, I’ve come to recognize the importance of not losing hope even in the most disappointing circumstances.

The dictionary defines disappointment as “the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the unfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.” So, naturally, disappointment can leave any of us feeling sad, regretful, angry or hopeless. And given the climate in our country today, coupled with our own personal trials, it is not surprising many women are experiencing a multitude of emotions associated with disappointment.

Two weeks ago was National Infertility Awareness Week. During that same week, I suffered a miscarriage with my first child. At 10 weeks. The irony of my “awareness” did not escape me.

Before I got pregnant, I was in an “if it happens then it happens, and if it doesn’t…that’s ok too” mindset.  So when I discovered I was pregnant, there was a sense of guilt I carried. Knowing so many friends and loved ones who longed to hear such news, and may never, seemed so unfair to me. While I was so thankful, I did not carry the same depth of longing and now I was about to have a child of my own.

And then the unthinkable happened. A dream my heart never knew it had, was shattered.

It has only been a couple of weeks and I am learning a lot through the grieving process.

There are many aspects of life that we have a say in, can control, and can take ownership of. And sometimes we can’t. Sometimes things are outside of our control and no matter what we do, it may never change the situation the way we would like.

That is a hard pill to swallow. (And I hate taking pills).

You don’t think it could happen to you until it does. And then it’s like you’re invited into this new world, this secret club that has existed long before you joined. A club of women and families dealing with grief, heartbreak, pain, and disappointment, sometimes over and over again. You don’t want to be in this club. You’d like to turn in your membership card and walk out the door. But you can’t.

If one day you do join this club, know that you are not alone. There are many support systems available that make grieving on your own, a thing of the past.

Also, if you haven’t taken time to read Di’s blog post, check it out. It gives great advice on loving on all “mommas” during this upcoming Mother’s Day.

So, what disappointments are you currently dealing with? Infertility? Failed relationships or lack thereof? Failed career goals? Physical/Mental health issues? Family/Marital issues?  How do you continue to have hope when disappointment has become a close friend? 

There are some things in my life that I do not understand why they happened or why God did not intervene in the way I thought (or knew) He could. There will be things in your life that you may not understand and that may never change. But the truth is God is still good through all of it.

Unfortunately, in life, this truth does not always quench the pain, the longing, or the brokenness right away.  I honestly believe that is why we have seasons. There is a verse in the bible that says, “there is a time for every activity under the sun: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Whether I am in a season of dancing or weeping; the truth of who God is does not change.

I want to encourage you today that despite whatever insurmountable disappointment you may be facing, there is hope. Take the time to grieve and process whatever disappointment you are facing. This time of mourning and weeping will turn to laughter and dancing.

In Proverbs, it says, “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.”  This “good break” may not be in the way you hope or think. But what you can rest assured of, is that it will be good. And your heart will smile in it. God will never leave us in our disappointment. The hope we have in Him is that this is not the end of our story. There is another chapter. That will fill our hearts with gladness. We cannot predict how things will turn out but we can find a reason to rejoice.

Hopefully, one day I will deliver a healthy baby and when that happens, I will say God is good. But I also know He is good even if it never does happen. This understanding has taken some time to accept because I have no idea what my future holds, and if I will experience a long journey of infertility or not. But I still have hope that I will have my own child one day. I also have hope my heart will find joy…even if I don’t.

While the menu of life can offer both appetizing and unsavory items, I am thankful that each day we have an opportunity to order something new.  My prayer for myself and for you is that our disappointed hearts will sing again. So I encourage you to have hope, but don’t deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel. And when joy knocks at the door of your heart, in whatever way it chooses, I hope you will let it in.