“How are you still single, you are amazing?” I hear it more often than I would like (though it’s truly flattering). I really am over this season. But what I want to focus on is “this season.” You see, it’s not easy being 36 and single, seeing all your friends in the place you desire to be, attending parties and holidays solo, etc. But it is a season and it ABSOLUTELY serves a purpose, so I ask, will I be committed to seeking that out? YES!
For so long I wasn’t even dating and I truly thought it was not my choice. I thought I just wasn’t meeting anyone worth dating. I wasn’t intentionally not dating (or so I thought), but when I sat down and looked at the big picture, it was absolutely my choice. I didn’t realize it, but I was waiting for this “perfect man” to walk across my path. I simply thought, “God, why aren’t you bringing him to me? I am being faithful in creating a business, working hard on myself, staying pure, and building something….surely you can just insert a man into the equation if you want….so obviously you don’t want to.”
Well, I was wrong. You see, I have learned more about myself and what I am looking for in this short dating season of my recent life than I have the past 10 years while waiting for this man I created in my mind. I get it — make a list, declare it, create it and manifest this man. Well yes, but there is another part. Do I do all of that? ABSOLUTELY and I do think it is important. But I also believe there is another part of the equation. THAT IS ACTION ON MY PART and a willingness to risk a little….be vulnerable! Crazy thought, I know.
I honestly had no idea what to do, but the one thing I knew was that in order to get a different result, I had to do something different. So, I broke my mold and my ideals (never leaving my foundational convictions), but allowing life to happen. I have been on 7 dates in the past couple months and my mind is blown. I am learning more about who I am, how I operate, my walls and blocks that come up, what triggers them, what parts of my past are blocking my future, what I like in a man, what I don’t like, how I can honor a man and respect his masculinity, how to walk in my true femininity, and more. And though I have not met “my person” or arrived somewhere specific, I know without a shadow of a doubt I am closer to him and the only reason is because I got into action. It really is no different than how I would advise my clients to step into their dreams. Action on their part is ESSENTIAL, so why was I not doing that in my BIGGEST DREAM of all?!?!?!
So that is where I am at. I am in “a season” that one day will end and I will begin yet another season of life that will bring its joys and growing pains. But one thing I can take with me into those future seasons is my part of the equation, how I can immerse myself in the depths of it and squeeze every ounce of wisdom, pain, growth, and truth out of it because I know God has a plan and He gives good gifts. However, I must remember in order to receive those good gifts, it takes me extending my hand and heart in a posture ready to receive, and ready to take some risk along the way. I know I am not the only one in this space, so all I can say is hold fast, don’t settle, but be settled in this season and explore at it has to give!
Read this a few days ago and am still thinking about it these past few days. Such a good word, especially the part about comparing it to your dreams and being active in pursing them. I’ve been thinking about that part a lot since reading it. I have a handful of friends there with you and was there before-know it can be such a challenging season… so proud of you for putting yourself out there, amazed how the Lord is teaching you and WILL SEE YOU through it. It’ll be so worth it. You will arrive. (PS. believing for a suddenly) <3