Search Results for: vulnerability

Hello Beautiful Ladies! OK, so let’s jump straight in… if I’m going to write about vulnerability and transparency, no time like the present, right?   

So, I use to view vulnerability as a weakness. I couldn’t show you the depths of me because I had to keep it all together. I prided myself in being a constant, steady, non-emotional, strong woman. To me, vulnerability was weak, emotional, chaotic, and needy.  Transparency was strong, powerful, in control and deep. Transparency was just enough rawness that still allowed me to appear real, but put together. Oh wow, how I was fooled.   

I have since learned that vulnerability and transparency are both powerful in their own ways, but they are not to be confused with the same. I have learned that how I was using transparency was simply a form of control. The ironic part was, I was using transparency to cover up my insecurities. I was able to control the outcome (or so I thought) of what others thought of me, how they perceived me, and the strength I possessed. I built walls to protect myself from rejection, fear, and hurt.  (And in the spirit of vulnerability, I have to say, I never had some crazy life experience that set these into motion….it simply was life.)

Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when you are terrified of what people might see or think.”  The funny thing is, I always thought of myself as a person who didn’t care what others thought. In reality, I was worried they might think I am not smart enough, skinny enough, fit enough,….simply not enough.  In order for them not to think that, I made sure I appeared strong in every area I could.

Fast forward to today.  I AM DONE! The weight of carrying that became unbearable, unmanageable and unrealistic….it was literally crushing me. I decided to just be me.  What a concept, RIGHT?!?!! Ok, but let’s be real, I didn’t just decide that one day and the next day life was all peaches and cream. It took some tools, experiences, breakdowns, cries, yells, laughs, coaches, mentors, friends, and Jesus.  It took time and it still is taking time, but the “meat” of the work is done. Now I get to walk it out.

I could go on for days about the process (and if you would like to chat to hear it, I would be more than happy to connect with you.  It truly is worth its weight in gold!), but the point of me sharing this is for anyone that feels exhausted in life. Do you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you not getting where you want to and working so hard?  This is for you. I say this…stand with hands open, trust you were made perfectly (not perfect as in you need to keep it all together), but perfectly, as in just the way this world needs you to show up.

I’ll leave you with another quote from the amazing Brene Brown. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.” If your relationships, business, and physical being are not thriving and connecting, that might be a sign to allow some vulnerability to show up.  It might be telling you that you deserve to feel worthy and that worthiness is available for you!!! You got this beautiful, be strengthened in vulnerability. You are worth every ounce of it!

 

Our minds have the ability to dream, create and imagine. They can take us to some really beautiful places, but in the same way, they can take us to some dark places as well.  The first leaves us feeling hopeful, ushers in peace and allows us to feel happiness. The latter, on the other hand, quickly leads us in places of hopelessness, restlessness, and worry. There is so much bliss that can be birthed from this place, but equally it can abandon us to depths in which no one was never meant to be trapped in.

Unfortunately, we have all spent moments, perhaps even seasons in both…I know I have. Over the past years, I have been really trying to be mindful of my mind. You see, a few years ago, I spent a season trapped in anxiety. To be honest, I never intended to share about this on the worldwide web.  In fact, I remember the preliminary discussions about being a part of sharing our lives with all of you on the internet, thinking ‘wow! What an opportunity! I’ll be open with everything, except for this topic.’ Well here I am, and actually, this wasn’t even on my radar to write about for this post, but it brought me here, so (deep breath), here we go!

Life is easy to share when it’s glam and pretty, but we need to learn to live in vulnerability. Seasons like this can sneak in without us even realizing how.  Mine slowly and suddenly crept in. It left me panicky and swirling in every single (scary) what if. I would hear stories about tragedies and then fear that it would happen to me or a loved one. Rather than my empathy being a gift of strength and connection, it was demolished by fear. Furthermore, in the process of it, I felt so much shame being there. Shame has no friends and therefore it left me wanting to hide and isolate myself all the more. Fortunately, my husband wouldn’t let me stay there. He legit had to coach me out of it which took months. The panic that went on in my mind eventually affected my physical health which landed me in the ER one night with heart palpitations. After battling with this thing for 7 months, I was set free in an instant by a prayer of freedom and healing…PRAISE GOD!

I understand that it is not everyone’s story, although I do believe that freedom is God’s heart for us. Moreover, just because I have been (miraculously) set free from it, it’s still my intentional choice to stay in that place…which leads me back to being mindful of my mind.  For some reason, especially as women, it’s a twisted tendency to find comfort in worrying. Sometimes it’s easy to keep something in the back of our minds to worry about. It’s almost as though we’re meditating on it. The reality is, it’s not our friend. It does not bring comfort and we are not designed like that.

Releasing the shame I felt was a huge breakthrough for me. It led me to share and open up about where I was and allowed light to shine on my dark places.

I only opened up to 3 dear friends about it. One told me to call her anytime I felt overwhelmed by it all. I’d cry to her every time before even getting a word out. She would kindly yet firmly speak truth to me reminding me who I am. I am not the anxiety or fear that I felt.

Next, my husband would tell me the same truths over and over and over again. It was as though each time he was helping me rewire my mind. Almost daily he’d say “If it’s not from God, it doesn’t belong there. When you feel those thoughts come in, take them captive in Christ Jesus. Say NO to them.” It sounded so elementary to me that it frustrated me that I wasn’t good at choosing it. Instead, I’d let the thoughts travel down rabbit trails in my brain and consume me, but each time I said and now, still say NO, sometimes even audibly, it leads/keeps me in freedom.

When opening up to another friend, she shared her season of anxiety with me…I cried thinking none of my friends would ever understand. She did. And she shared, “If my story can be an encouragement to even just one person then having walked through it all was so worth it.” I was that one person. That echoed word often echoes in my mind. There are people who need to hear your story. In doing so it’ll help them become free and you even freer.

Through it all I’ve learned to say ‘no’ when I feel anxiety or fear come in. If my thoughts and imagination try to take me to dark places or swirl around me like an annoying fly with their what-ifs I tell them “NO, you are not my friend.” It may sound ridiculous, but it’s true and totally works for me.  If I still need reinforcements I’ll speak my verse of truth over myself… Psalm 121:5-8

 

The LORD himself watches over you!

The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night.

The LORD keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

 

How can you be more mindful of your mind? Is your mind in a place of being renewed? Evaluate how you’re feeling: do you feel hopeful and at peace or are you restless and in a place of worry?  Examine what you let in that influences your thoughts- TV, music, movies, books, social media, etc. Do you need to make any adjustments here? Choose to partner with the Lord. Let him be the gatekeeper as you become more mindful of your mind. Wherever you are on your journey, know you’re not alone. Know there is freedom to be found in vulnerability. Yes, it seems scary, but find someone who you can trust. Your vulnerability will shine a bright light on the darkness and it will have to go. Finally, your journey of being set free is the key to someone else’s freedom.

What stirs at the mention of “self-care”? What pictures come to mind? The concept of self-care is presently all over social media, specifically targeted toward women. Go to a women’s retreat, and it will likely be in the headline of a breakout session. Listen in on a group of moms and you may find them lamenting over the absence of self-care or the determination to “do better”. It is a buzz word in the women’s community at large, but why? And to what purpose?

The dictionary describes self-care as “the regular practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being”.

Let’s break down this definition a little bit. The “regular practice” of self-care implies this isn’t a haphazard thing to be pursued at leisure and when time readily permits. Rather, it suggests self-care is a discipline. This practice needs to be woven into the very fabric of our everyday lives. It requires us to take an “active role” in refilling ourselves that we might pour into the things bringing meaning and purpose to our lives. When self-care invokes emotions of frustration and begins an inward dialogue telling me it is out of reach, I realize I have set other things as a higher priority rather than operate from a spirit of intention and discipline.

I love the inclusion of the word “protecting” in the definition of self-care. It reminds me first that self-care has an inherit value and therefore my well-being is worth the fight. Part of protecting self-care is enforcing boundaries. It feels as if there is a voice whispering to women that we have to do it all, all the time, and with perfection. Do you hear it? Giving into that voice seems easier than the vulnerability and effort of a “no”, but continually saying “yes” comes at a great price. Each time we push out an insincere yes, we lose a piece of ourselves in the process.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others…Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say “Enough!” Brené Brown

Protecting our well-being also takes a tribe. When an elephant is about to begin labor, her tribe of female elephants will gather around her to protect her from predators as she brings new life into the world. What a beautiful picture of the need we have as women to be protected by each other in our most vulnerable moments. I am so thankful to be tethered to a community of women who challenge me to dig deeper and push forward in becoming the type of woman I want my daughters to follow.

I believe self-care is a common topic in women’s circles because the superficial pursuit of self-care has given women who are thirsty for purpose a hollow “treat” to tie them over. The world often pushes us into the shallow end of self-care. But we were not made for the shallow but for the deep where life is found. If someone wanted to tear down your purpose, wouldn’t distraction be the perfect ploy? Not too obvious but subtle and deceptively nonchalant.

So often the pursuit of self-care brings me to a crossroads: to check out or to press in. I am strongly tempted by the quick fix in this busy, tiring season of young motherhood. The Netflix binge. The wine and chocolate. Buying the new mudcloth pillow I don’t need. There is nothing wrong with these avenues of self-care at times. However, self-care is not just wine and a bubble bath. It is mustering the discipline to press right into the hard. To do the very things which compel us to confront our gravest fears and our greatest limitations. It is digging into the darkest, hardest part of our heart to break free. If you want to see an example of pressing in to gain freedom, look no further than Taryn’s post last month. It is protecting our own well-being to gain the energy and the life we so long to bring to those around us.

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” -Brené Brown

I know this seems intense. I know what it is to need a break and a deep breath. There are days when I need to relax and have absolutely no expectations of myself. Times where a latte and shopping trip are in order. When I speak of checking out, I refer more to those aimless, unintentional bouts of life that come and seem to steal pieces of who we are. We set no intention to life, no pursuit of goals and growth and begin drifting into the shallow.

I feel like I am currently pulling myself, my heart, out of a shallow season. Midnight feedings, cold cups of coffee, and keeping my head above water with all of the transition and adjustment that comes from having 3 babies in 5 years made it hard to have the energy to grow. And it’s OK! We all have those seasons in our lives. But if we stay too long, if we put our own growth and well-being on the back burner for too long, we begin to lose sight of ourselves. In this season, I have been drifting. But with His strength, I am slowly, intentionally wading back into the deep one discipline at a time.

For the beauty of walking with God is we only need muster the strength and discipline to invite Him to walk into the hard moments with us. I am learning my own strength only brings weariness and drives me back to the shallow. But pressing into His strength leads to breakthrough. God will meet us there and show us that depth is where life happens. Then we will drink deeply and walk away satisfied.

Winter is a time of stripping down to our barest selves; a time to choose to see the beauty in what seems barren. The cold invites the opportunity to embrace the early dark with candlelight and a timely book. The new year renews a passion for self-growth when outside life lies dormant. Winter exposes. It invites us to breath deep and quiets our soul that we might explore the raw, tender places of our truest self. It is a season of vulnerability.

 

As a mother of three young girls, quiet is difficult to find, time alone elusive. Yet when the desperately desired still would come, I found myself filling it with static. A Netflix binge, countless minutes perusing Instagram, busying my hands folding the unending pile of laundry. Whatever the task, I was hiding. I began to sift through the layers of excuses. I deserve the break. Can’t I just check out after hours of engagement? This needs to get done now. No energy remains to read or do something that feeds my soul. Strip away the layers, and I discovered I was lonely. I was empty. The static offered distraction but little solace. Truth be told, I had forgotten how to be alone. I had forgotten how to be still. Rather than fill my soul, I filled the silence.

Instead of planting our solitude with our own dream blossoms, we choke the space with continuous music, chatter, and companionship to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the vacuum. When the noise stops, there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone.     -Gift From the Sea

 

Stepping away from social media, taking the TV out of the bedroom, making spaces of beauty to simply reflect and practice stillness: all of these were first steps in regaining the quiet my soul so desperately craved. I had to convince myself that an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition in order to actual seek and obtain it. As mothers, as women, we get lost amidst the chaos, the busyness, the noise of our every day lives. Yet I am finding with each static-filled day, my soul withers. The withered soul of a woman leaves a story of beauty untold. Beauty the current world is longing to experience; a source of comfort and life in a time of winter.

We named our middle daughter Willow Eve, proclaiming she will be a tree of life that will not yield to the elements, declaring she will bend yet not break. A willow tree can be a rich source of life and wonder but only if they remain planted beside a source of water. Static dehydrates. We cannot weather the chaos of the day and become a source of life to those around us without quieting our souls and planting our roots in a spring of life greater than ourselves.

We are aware of our hungers and needs, but still ignorant of what will satisfy them. With our garnered free time, we are more apt to drain our creative springs than to refill them…not knowing how to feed the spirit, we try to muffle its demands in distractions.     -Gift from the Sea

What are your distractions? How is your soul withering? Where are the raw, tender places you need to explore and heal? How can you return to a quiet soul and access an inner spring that satisfies?

I am learning to quiet my soul, to invite the clarity winter brings. I ask questions to safeguard the inner spring from the invasion of dehydrating static. Does the noise I am inviting enhance the present moment? Am I exchanging the generation of a thought, an idea, a thing of beauty for a mere distraction? Am I depriving those around me from the life I could offer if I only I would silence the noise?

My voice matters. Your voice matters, women. Whatever lies or static is convincing you otherwise, strip it away. Let winter prune the places stifling your beauty. Gain clarity and then move into spring. The world is longing for your beauty. It is desperate for your voice.