Becky McConnell

August hits the calendar and both students and teachers alike begin to sense the dread of summer coming to a close, yet soon enough it turns to excitement as a new school year comes up on the horizon.

Almost 8 years ago now I was about to begin my first year of teaching! I was super excited to be teaching Spanish to a bunch of middle schoolers. In most seasons of life, transition can be a bit overwhelming, but this one was quite joy-filled. It was right where I needed to be, and made my heart come alive! (#nerdville) 😉 My energy for it probably equated to that of an average seventh grader. Although I loved it, life got very busy, very quickly.

As if my days weren’t busy enough, rookie teachers have the ‘privilege’ of attending a bunch of first-year teacher meetings.  Despite having good intent, I couldn’t not think of the stack of papers I could be grading, the plans that needed to be prepped and emails that awaited a response. There was one meeting however that made such an impact on me; the one where second-year teachers came to give advice to us ‘Rookies.’ It was there that the greatest advice was given to me.

The advice: You have to unplug at some point. There is always something you could be working on and need to do. And yes, sometimes that’s just how it is and you have to push through the mountains of work in order for tomorrow to run smoothly, but BE SURE TAKE TIME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. No matter how much work there is to do, you make that activity a priority, even if it’s just for an hour here and there.

How those words set me free! I needed to release myself from the strive and the craziness. I quickly joined and prioritized a workout group that met 3 times a week for an hour. It was my sanity and saving grace. I looked forward to those days as they allowed me to invest in me and do something for myself. Long after that year ended I continued to apply that advice to my life.

Here I am now, currently a stay at home mama…  I was recently reminded of those words and realized that all my time was invested in being a wife and a mama and somewhere in there attempting to keep up with the dishes and chores. Genuinely though, I’m loving this season just as I did my teaching days. There’s a lot in common with those early teaching days: the work never ends and when you’re caught up with one thing, there’s another. Upon realization of that, I knew I needed to come back to those words… BE SURE TAKE TIME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.  

Since then I committed back to my workouts and prioritizing them into my daily routine. It’s just 30 minutes a day, but allows me to invest in myself and gives me a goal to work towards.

This isn’t a plug for working out, but it is a plug for you to find something you enjoy doing and creating time in the midst of life’s busy-ness to prioritize and make time to do it.  It may seem as though there is zero time left in our days to do this, but it’s not about needing more time, but about reordering our priorities. There will always be time in your day for what you prioritize and I guarantee you, taking a bit of time to invest in yourself will give you a breath of fresh air and allow you to put your best foot forward in the obligations life has for you.

Our minds have the ability to dream, create and imagine. They can take us to some really beautiful places, but in the same way, they can take us to some dark places as well.  The first leaves us feeling hopeful, ushers in peace and allows us to feel happiness. The latter, on the other hand, quickly leads us in places of hopelessness, restlessness, and worry. There is so much bliss that can be birthed from this place, but equally it can abandon us to depths in which no one was never meant to be trapped in.

Unfortunately, we have all spent moments, perhaps even seasons in both…I know I have. Over the past years, I have been really trying to be mindful of my mind. You see, a few years ago, I spent a season trapped in anxiety. To be honest, I never intended to share about this on the worldwide web.  In fact, I remember the preliminary discussions about being a part of sharing our lives with all of you on the internet, thinking ‘wow! What an opportunity! I’ll be open with everything, except for this topic.’ Well here I am, and actually, this wasn’t even on my radar to write about for this post, but it brought me here, so (deep breath), here we go!

Life is easy to share when it’s glam and pretty, but we need to learn to live in vulnerability. Seasons like this can sneak in without us even realizing how.  Mine slowly and suddenly crept in. It left me panicky and swirling in every single (scary) what if. I would hear stories about tragedies and then fear that it would happen to me or a loved one. Rather than my empathy being a gift of strength and connection, it was demolished by fear. Furthermore, in the process of it, I felt so much shame being there. Shame has no friends and therefore it left me wanting to hide and isolate myself all the more. Fortunately, my husband wouldn’t let me stay there. He legit had to coach me out of it which took months. The panic that went on in my mind eventually affected my physical health which landed me in the ER one night with heart palpitations. After battling with this thing for 7 months, I was set free in an instant by a prayer of freedom and healing…PRAISE GOD!

I understand that it is not everyone’s story, although I do believe that freedom is God’s heart for us. Moreover, just because I have been (miraculously) set free from it, it’s still my intentional choice to stay in that place…which leads me back to being mindful of my mind.  For some reason, especially as women, it’s a twisted tendency to find comfort in worrying. Sometimes it’s easy to keep something in the back of our minds to worry about. It’s almost as though we’re meditating on it. The reality is, it’s not our friend. It does not bring comfort and we are not designed like that.

Releasing the shame I felt was a huge breakthrough for me. It led me to share and open up about where I was and allowed light to shine on my dark places.

I only opened up to 3 dear friends about it. One told me to call her anytime I felt overwhelmed by it all. I’d cry to her every time before even getting a word out. She would kindly yet firmly speak truth to me reminding me who I am. I am not the anxiety or fear that I felt.

Next, my husband would tell me the same truths over and over and over again. It was as though each time he was helping me rewire my mind. Almost daily he’d say “If it’s not from God, it doesn’t belong there. When you feel those thoughts come in, take them captive in Christ Jesus. Say NO to them.” It sounded so elementary to me that it frustrated me that I wasn’t good at choosing it. Instead, I’d let the thoughts travel down rabbit trails in my brain and consume me, but each time I said and now, still say NO, sometimes even audibly, it leads/keeps me in freedom.

When opening up to another friend, she shared her season of anxiety with me…I cried thinking none of my friends would ever understand. She did. And she shared, “If my story can be an encouragement to even just one person then having walked through it all was so worth it.” I was that one person. That echoed word often echoes in my mind. There are people who need to hear your story. In doing so it’ll help them become free and you even freer.

Through it all I’ve learned to say ‘no’ when I feel anxiety or fear come in. If my thoughts and imagination try to take me to dark places or swirl around me like an annoying fly with their what-ifs I tell them “NO, you are not my friend.” It may sound ridiculous, but it’s true and totally works for me.  If I still need reinforcements I’ll speak my verse of truth over myself… Psalm 121:5-8

 

The LORD himself watches over you!

The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night.

The LORD keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

 

How can you be more mindful of your mind? Is your mind in a place of being renewed? Evaluate how you’re feeling: do you feel hopeful and at peace or are you restless and in a place of worry?  Examine what you let in that influences your thoughts- TV, music, movies, books, social media, etc. Do you need to make any adjustments here? Choose to partner with the Lord. Let him be the gatekeeper as you become more mindful of your mind. Wherever you are on your journey, know you’re not alone. Know there is freedom to be found in vulnerability. Yes, it seems scary, but find someone who you can trust. Your vulnerability will shine a bright light on the darkness and it will have to go. Finally, your journey of being set free is the key to someone else’s freedom.

I desired to be married for years, but did my best to wait patiently to meet the right person.  Many referred to me as ‘too picky’ and often said that I ‘had too high of expectations’ for the right person. Well, I am so glad I didn’t settle or lower my standards. I waited and prayed and waited some more. I processed through many days of singleness with the Lord. As I waited, I found one verse that I put my faith in… Psalm 27:13-14, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” And I am so glad I did not accept the comments of others as truth because at the ripe age of 29, I (finally) met the love of my life who actually EXCEEDED those ‘high expectations.’  And it is a love story for the books…

Now, we are just 4 years into being newlyweds and one of our favorite traditions is celebrating our anniversary. Each year we go on a little getaway to spend time together. Although there is a yearly picture we take and share of us wearing our wedding attire while eating a cake saturated in rainbow sprinkles, we often do not share much more about our traditions. We take time to dance to our song (Crazy by Hunter Hayes, if you were wondering 😉 ), smile, and catch each other smitten. It really is one of the happiest days of the year!

The thing that we haven’t shared all that much is my favorite tradition of all. It brings us to a deep place of reflection, remembrance and vision casting for the year ahead. We have this huge roll of kraft paper that each year we unravel to add to.  We look back at our memories from year one until the next. Our lists aren’t so much like a diary, yet we do include special or ridiculous things that happened. We start by reflecting upon the previous years’ dreams, hopes and desires and give any updates on them. Then we make a ‘God-did list.’ This is a list of how God provided for us that year, how we experienced his goodness in the good times, and the challenging ones, then finally, we dream together.  We write little and big things that we want to work towards and pray for as both individuals and as a couple. We close it out by praying over our dreams and goals for the next year and finally, we take communion together.

To be honest, that’s probably why I haven’t shared it, because I feel like the entire day is so so sacred to us. There is so much to be found in remembering where we have come from and in dreaming about the future. On this day, we don’t just remember our togetherness, but we also remember where we were in the waiting.  These are days that used to be a far-away dream that we are now living.

I hope someday when we are old and gray we can unravel it all and reminisce about our memories in a way that it shines a light on God’s goodness and faithfulness.  I hope that we can share it with our children and perhaps even pass our traditions down to them or include them in it one day.

It’s easy each day to find a place for thankfulness, and there is such value in that, but when do we actually take time to remember and to reflect on a year to year basis? Each year when we celebrate, I tear up and feel all the more humble than the year before. God’s kindness is overwhelming, despite what challenges may face us.  Every bit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control come from the Lord.  Without his existence, NONE of these exist. Take a moment to read that again. Imagine a city without any of those things. It’s unimaginable, right? Now imagine a place where only those things exist. I’m pretty sure when we imagine that place, we have discovered the heart of God.

I want to encourage you, regardless of if you are single or married, to take time to reflect.  Remember the places from which he has brought you out. Remember how you’ve felt his heart (through love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control). Remember what the Lord has done for you. Create a ‘God did list’ that you can pass down to future generations and reflect upon in the hard times.  Take time to write down the desires of your heart and to DREAM. Finally, remain confident that no matter what you are longing for, YOU WILL SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. That, my friends, is a promise you can hang your hopes on.

Sitting down to write, my mind is already beginning to swirl with everything else I have to do, except for what is in front of me. Distraction is a real, well, distraction… especially in today’s world. Sometimes I wonder if in simpler times one’s mind would be able to be more at rest.

The other evening at dinner, my husband and I were sharing about our days. I told him that sometimes I feel divided in my attention throughout my day as I spend it with our 5-month-old. From time-to-time, as I play with her I’ll find myself on the phone, or responding to a text or quickly doing this or that. Although my daughter is only a baby, when I do that, I am not communicating any value to her. Not only that, but if I was spending time with a friend it would be so rude to be on the phone while ‘being engaged’ in my interactions with them.

As I reflected on my day, trying to verbalize what was happening in my mind, I had an epiphany. I visualized my thought processes. It started with a picture of one big white circle right in front of me. All around it, in my peripheral, there were colorful, sparkly, flashing lights. Although small, they capture my attention quickly from one to another to another. Not only that, but even though the big white circle was the most dominant, I lost focus of it as my eyes went from one glittery flash to the next.

I realized this is totally my mind lately. I try to focus on the obvious priority and then all of a sudden, I think of every single little thing I have to do, should do, could do or didn’t do yet, but should have already be done. This leaves me to accomplish nothing and feeling disengaged and completely exhausted.

This probably does not sound so unfamiliar to you. As a teacher, it’s an evident pattern which I’ve observed in both my middle and high school students. Check the phone, oh, nothing there. Log on to Instagram, oh, what was I going to do? Oh yeah! I need to respond to so and so…it is a million miles an hour these days. Sometimes when listening, despite appearing as though engaged in conversation, our minds are wandering which robs our focus. It can leave us disengaged in our reality and lost in an artificial one.

Even though we may view it as multi-tasking, it often takes away from our relationships and makes us bad listeners. In fact, in one of my grad school courses about how the brain functions, I learned that multitasking is actually just our brain going back and forth between two tasks rather than them happening simultaneously. We’re not wired for it.  

So the question is, how do we keep our focus and prioritize the present and what is actually important? Well, we need to stop giving attention to the constant tug of the sparkly, flashing lights.  It’s as though we need to put our blinders on. They will never actually disappear unless we stop giving our attention to them. The more we cater to distraction the more it will grow and eventually consume us. It takes intentionality and mindfulness.

Since having this revelation, the racing of my mind is slowing down.  That’s not because of happenstance, but rather due to intentionality and focus. When I find myself overwhelmed with the ‘could-have, would-have, should-haves’ I’ve been trying to stop and disconnect from them, all while returning back to what’s most valuable. Trust me, I am in the process and it’s going to take work, but ultimately if I want a heart that’s undivided, I need a mind that is as well.

What are your distractions? How much time do you spend on your phone compared to being with people, being engaged in the reality of the world around you, or spending time with the Lord? Just because your phone beeps or you receive a new notification, does not mean it needs to be given your immediate attention. Re-evaluate your priorities to reality and people in front of you rather than getting lost in the doing or a virtual world. Let me challenge you to put your phone down, set limits on technology, detox your mental to-do list, and refine your priorities.

So far on my journey of refinement in this area, I have realized how much lighter I feel. I am a better wife, mama, and friend as a result. Furthermore, my walk with the Lord has been much more focused and intentional. My texting conversations may be neglected or I may not have responded to all the messages that I have received, but I am present. Some days those dishes are still overflowing in my sink and the house is a bit messy, but I am engaged in relationship with those around me. Rather than being lost in the swirl of unimportant tasks, I have been able to slow down, be still, enjoy the smiles and embrace life.  Through it all, I am learning to savor the beauty of simplicity. As you turn down the noise of distraction, I truly believe you will too.

I was driving on the highway on the way to my daughter’s four-month appointment. My mind was swirling; anticipating how she would scream when she got her shots and worrying if she had gained enough weight this month.  After entertaining my anxiousness for a moment, I caught myself. This isn’t where I want my mind to live nor does it have to be my perception. Only the Lord can pull me out of the dark shadows that are cast upon my mind. Searching for truth, I began to pray.

Cruising down the highway at 65, proud that I was actually going to arrive on time, I met with God. Meeting with Him always looks different, but the outcome is the same; bringing peace, and renewing of my mind. This time it looked really different.  The Lord took me to another place. I was in a sea of icebergs. It was cold, and I was alone there. I watched myself climb upon an iceberg, until it could no longer sustain me. I’d fall back into the icy water until the next one came along that I could climb upon again. I did this several times over with the end result being me falling back into the freezing water. Soon enough I saw a ship, the size of the Titanic and I felt the Lord speak to me, “climb up, climb into the boat.” When He said that, I felt drowned by peace. The icebergs were no longer my focus, instead it shifted my focus to the boat which brought hope. I snapped back out of the vision as a white car cruised by me. Their license plate caught my eye. It read “CLIMB UP.”

Reflecting on all of this spoke to so many facets of my life beyond the anticipation of the appointment.  Too often I am finding my security only in the reality of what I can see.  That’s when I am on the icebergs. However, the moment that even a glimpse of fear or a hint of worry drops in, I am back in the water. It’s the same with comparison, I am good for little bit, but then I compare myself to someone else and I fall in again.  I jump back upon another iceberg with excitement, but then I don’t feel good enough… Do you see the pattern?  These thought processes do not bring me hope. The icebergs only bring temporary security to destination nowhere. They compromise my self-worth and steal my value.

I need a hope that’s constant and consistent. No matter how hard I try, fear, worry, comparison, inadequacy will continue to break me over and over and over again if I allow my thoughts to live in those places. What do I need? My mind needs to be constantly renewed. That is my revelation. I need that boat. I need God. He is safe. He secures me. He sees value in me and does not compare me to anyone else. He placed me on the earth with purpose and greatness in which He has prepared just for me. Those facts are no different for you.

“For never before in story or rhyme (not even once up a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again…” On the Night You Were Born, Nancy Tillman

That climb up the boat is one step further from what shakes us and one step closer to becoming who God created us to be. Most importantly it brings us into deeper communion with The Lord. There is no greater anchor to our soul than finding ourselves in God. Only He can protect us.  On that boat, the icebergs get trampled (unless it’s the Titanic 😉 ), but in all seriousness, nothing else matters except that we are on the boat. It’s a representation that we are with God. Everything else fades away when we are with him. Our swirling minds are calm, and the prison of comparison that we lock ourselves into is open. Fear has no place!

Spend some time in reflection: Where are you in your mind and thought patterns? Are you on an iceberg or on the boat or are you in the icy water just looking for something to grab onto? What causes you to fall back into the water?  Is your mind in a place of constant renewal? If not, how do you get there? If so, how do you stay there? I pray you can see the boat and CLIMB UP.

A few years ago during my first year of marriage, I got lost in a whirlwind of striving to be the perfect wife. I defined that as cooking great meals, having the dishes done, the laundry folded and maintaining a precisely clean home. I found my value in that, but let me be honest, I’m not a good cook, nor do I really enjoy it.  My sink often overflows with last week’s dishes and  the laundry is always neglected. The value of who I was as a wife quickly diminished. There were frequent tears because I could not keep up. I wasn’t good enough…so I thought. 

As my idea of being “the perfect wife” was shattered, my husband so graciously and gently walked through my insecurities with me. He reminded me that he did not choose to marry me because of my domestic skills (or lack thereof), but rather, because of who I am. He also reminded me that if the dishes were not washed and the laundry not folded, that it was okay. It did not define my value as a wife.  I put way too much pressure on myself. My entire worth was found in what I did or did not do. The renewing of my mind was a process, but a worthwhile one.

So much of our identity in this world is determined by what we do and how well we do it. Think about it…one of the first questions we often ask when meeting someone for the first time is, ‘Oh, what do you do?’  From there, we unintentionally draw conclusions about who they are based on what they do for a living.  Without realizing it, our tendency introspectively speaks the same; determining who we are according to what we do. Our doing is laced with striving to meet the unattainable goal: perfection. We put hours upon hours into DOING our best, yet do we equally prioritize BEING our best?  

We need to reevaluate how we are determining our worth and identity. What do we find our purpose in?  What is the condition of our hearts?  Who we are should inspire what we do. It should be our purpose and it should influence how we do what we do. Mother Teresa was a woman of love, mercy, and generosity. She would not be remembered, however, for what she did, if she was not first who she was.

God is the same with us.  He loves us first because that is who He is. He is love.  His whole heart in creating us is to be loved.  We can’t do anything to earn his love no matter how hard we strive to do so. Our job is simply to receive it. When stop trying to earn God’s love, freedom is found.  When my husband loved me despite a messy home, it was a small glimpse of God’s heart for me. I am loved because of who I am, not what I do. Knowing that I am loved, releases my insecurities and, in turn, motivates me to do. I do, because I am loved.

My challenge to you is this: Discover your true purpose based on who you are rather than what you do. If that process leaves your chores unfinished, it is okay. You are worth investing in. Take a moment to soak in the truth of who you genuinely are. Remember these words should be positive and uplifting.  They should encourage you.  If not, then they’re not from the Lord.  Write it down and post it as a daily reminder of who God created you to be.  You can even speak them out loud as declarations.  You were created first to be loved, not to strive to do, do, do. You have value. You have purpose. Live from who you are, not from what you do or what you have to do. Just be. Let it redefine who you are, and then out of that, go and do!