Taryn Mast

“How are you still single, you are amazing?” I hear it more often than I would like (though it’s truly flattering). I really am over this season.  But what I want to focus on is “this season.” You see, it’s not easy being 36 and single, seeing all your friends in the place you desire to be, attending parties and holidays solo, etc.  But it is a season and it ABSOLUTELY serves a purpose, so I ask, will I be committed to seeking that out? YES!

For so long I wasn’t even dating and I  truly thought it was not my choice. I thought I just wasn’t meeting anyone worth dating. I wasn’t intentionally not dating (or so I thought), but when I sat down and looked at the big picture, it was absolutely my choice. I didn’t realize it, but I was waiting for this “perfect man” to walk across my path. I simply thought, “God, why aren’t you bringing him to me? I am being faithful in creating a business, working hard on myself, staying pure, and building something….surely you can just insert a man into the equation if you want….so obviously you don’t want to.”

Well, I was wrong. You see, I have learned more about myself and what I am looking for in this short dating season of my recent life than I have the past 10 years while waiting for this man I created in my mind. I get it — make a list, declare it, create it and manifest this man. Well yes, but there is another part. Do I do all of that? ABSOLUTELY and I do think it is important. But I also believe there is another part of the equation. THAT IS ACTION ON MY PART and a willingness to risk a little….be vulnerable!  Crazy thought, I know.

I honestly had no idea what to do, but the one thing I knew was that in order to get a different result, I had to do something different. So, I broke my mold and my ideals (never leaving my foundational convictions), but allowing life to happen. I have been on 7 dates in the past couple months and my mind is blown. I am learning more about who I am, how I operate, my walls and blocks that come up, what triggers them, what parts of my past are blocking my future, what I like in a man, what I don’t like, how I can honor a man and respect his masculinity, how to walk in my true femininity,  and more. And though I have not met “my person” or arrived somewhere specific, I know without a shadow of a doubt I am closer to him and the only reason is because I got into action. It really is no different than how I would advise my clients to step into their dreams. Action on their part is ESSENTIAL, so why was I not doing that in my BIGGEST DREAM of all?!?!?!

So that is where I am at. I am in “a season” that one day will end and I will begin yet another season of life that will bring its joys and growing pains. But one thing I can take with me into those future seasons is my part of the equation, how I can immerse myself in the depths of it and squeeze every ounce of wisdom, pain, growth, and truth out of it because I know God has a plan and He gives good gifts. However, I must remember in order to receive those good gifts, it takes me extending my hand and heart in a posture ready to receive, and ready to take some risk along the way. I know I am not the only one in this space, so all I can say is hold fast, don’t settle, but be settled in this season and explore at it has to give!

 

All my life I thought clarity would come from sitting in silence, reading, thinking harder, and obtaining more knowledge. Though these are all very important aspects of growth, I believe the key component of clarity comes through engagement. When I say clarity comes through engagement, I mean the dream inside of us begins to come ALIVE when we get our hands dirty and engage in life.

Since forever I knew I wanted to work with women on a deeper level— get past superficial blocks and help them become who they were meant to be. But that’s where it ended. I could not get clarity on how to do it, what it would look like, or the areas of life I would work with them. That is, not until I ENGAGED IN THE PROCESS.

So, I stepped out, hired a coach, starting literally connecting with women and engaging in purposeful conversation and activity NOT HAVING ANY CLUE WHERE IT WAS GOING TO GO.  The crazy thing is, if you have a personality type anything like mine, you know this is freakin’ HUGE. For most of my life, I held the opinion that I had to make EVERYTHING perfect (or as close as I possibly could), had to be STRONG, and had to keep everything under CONTROL before I could move forward with it…whatever it was.

Well, you can probably guess how far that took me. Not very far! I had great ideas that were all ALMOST READY, but nothing was ever HAPPENING. So I decided to try something new. I hired a coach (which I thought was going to give me the perfectly laid out blueprint to get where I was going). This is where the story began to look different from before.

First,  my Coach did not give me the perfect blueprint I was expecting. Rather she GUIDED ME to the blueprint that was already inside of me  (sounds cheesy, I know…bear with me). As she guided me through barriers and challenged me to do things I had never done before (in order to get results I had never gotten), I actually started getting really clear on my vision and goals. I was able to make decisions easier, grab onto wisdom easier, and take actual steps towards action.  Now, let me tell you, THE PROCESS HAS NOT BEEN EASIER, but the ENGAGEMENT GOT EASIER, resulting in continued CLARITY. My coaches have helped me to engage in the process through their expertise and experience. I can now literally say without a shadow of a doubt that CLARITY COMES FROM ENGAGEMENT, NOT THOUGHT.

It’s almost like I am a faucet and God is the water. I am the container that God’s creativity and clarity runs through, but it will never come out unless I actively engage in turning the faucet on, even if I don’t know what will come out. It has taken me to a place of releasing what LIFE IS SUPPOSED to look like and allowed me to just be in what LIFE IS.

It’s a beautiful process and if I could leave you with one thing, it would be this. You know when a facet that has been turned off for a while (I mean pipes turned off), and then it’s turned back on…the water spurts and sprays out, and gets a little messy, right?  And then it eventually flows in a clear stream doing what it needs to do? Well, allow that process in your life. Step out, fail forward, and trust that you were created for a purpose.  Allow the facet to be turned on and be ok with it spouting and spraying out at first. The flow will come. Don’t get caught up in the why of it, but get caught up in the process of it…it’s good, so good!

 

Hello Beautiful Ladies! OK, so let’s jump straight in… if I’m going to write about vulnerability and transparency, no time like the present, right?   

So, I use to view vulnerability as a weakness. I couldn’t show you the depths of me because I had to keep it all together. I prided myself in being a constant, steady, non-emotional, strong woman. To me, vulnerability was weak, emotional, chaotic, and needy.  Transparency was strong, powerful, in control and deep. Transparency was just enough rawness that still allowed me to appear real, but put together. Oh wow, how I was fooled.   

I have since learned that vulnerability and transparency are both powerful in their own ways, but they are not to be confused with the same. I have learned that how I was using transparency was simply a form of control. The ironic part was, I was using transparency to cover up my insecurities. I was able to control the outcome (or so I thought) of what others thought of me, how they perceived me, and the strength I possessed. I built walls to protect myself from rejection, fear, and hurt.  (And in the spirit of vulnerability, I have to say, I never had some crazy life experience that set these into motion….it simply was life.)

Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when you are terrified of what people might see or think.”  The funny thing is, I always thought of myself as a person who didn’t care what others thought. In reality, I was worried they might think I am not smart enough, skinny enough, fit enough,….simply not enough.  In order for them not to think that, I made sure I appeared strong in every area I could.

Fast forward to today.  I AM DONE! The weight of carrying that became unbearable, unmanageable and unrealistic….it was literally crushing me. I decided to just be me.  What a concept, RIGHT?!?!! Ok, but let’s be real, I didn’t just decide that one day and the next day life was all peaches and cream. It took some tools, experiences, breakdowns, cries, yells, laughs, coaches, mentors, friends, and Jesus.  It took time and it still is taking time, but the “meat” of the work is done. Now I get to walk it out.

I could go on for days about the process (and if you would like to chat to hear it, I would be more than happy to connect with you.  It truly is worth its weight in gold!), but the point of me sharing this is for anyone that feels exhausted in life. Do you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you not getting where you want to and working so hard?  This is for you. I say this…stand with hands open, trust you were made perfectly (not perfect as in you need to keep it all together), but perfectly, as in just the way this world needs you to show up.

I’ll leave you with another quote from the amazing Brene Brown. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.” If your relationships, business, and physical being are not thriving and connecting, that might be a sign to allow some vulnerability to show up.  It might be telling you that you deserve to feel worthy and that worthiness is available for you!!! You got this beautiful, be strengthened in vulnerability. You are worth every ounce of it!

 

All my single ladies…

First, before anyone gets their panties all up in a bunch, I ask one thing of you single ladies….will you hear me out for this blog? I honor and respect you all, so please hear me out. And second, I’m talking to myself just as much, if not more than any other single ladies.

We live in a time where we as females have walked through the “door of having a voice,” which is amazing and I am so, so, so for it! Now, I believe it’s time to rest in that. I believe now that we are “through that door,” (even though there may be “hallways” before we actually enter the room) it’s time for us as females to become females again. We have barged our way (rightly so) into having a voice, and now let’s have a feminine voice.

As a single lady myself, I have come to the realization that I have been leading with some masculine energy. Wait, what?  Hold up my single ladies…let me explain. The “male energy/persona” is biologically asking to be respected. The “female energy/persona” is biologically asking to be cherished. This doesn’t mean the other can’t be respected or cherished. What it means is that opposites attract, so if I continue to lead in this way— being “boss babe,” trying to prove my ability, pursuing a man, trying to prove I can do it without him, etc, then the masculine man I WANT will never be attracted to me because I portray that I can do all of life on my own. It says, “I don’t need anyone.” Here’s the thing friends, WE ALL NEED PEOPLE TO MAKE THIS WORLD GO AROUND….THAT IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS, RATHER IT IS A SIGN OF WISDOM AND STRENGTH. So why would we think a romantic relationship would be any different?

You might be asking what if I run a company, I’m launching a business, or lead a bunch of male employees? To that I say, be amazing! Be the aggressive leader you are and follow it up with your femininity. AND THEN, when you leave the office, take that hat off and allow a man to cherish you, build a man up with your words and your praise (don’t try to be boss babe), stop trying to bench press more than him, and allow him to get lost in your eyes that say I need you (even though I am whole and complete without you, I still need you).

Here’s the thing— people often say “a man won’t control me. I am in control or I wear the pants in the relationship,” etc. In what world does that sound fun? What if we understood that in order to lead, a leader must have followers. If you want to look at who gives power, it’s actually the people who follow. They have the power. But even further, doesn’t it sound more fun to respect, build-up, and praise in return for safety, security, admiration, and the feeling of being adored and cherished? That sounds good to me and it sounds STRONG on both sides.

So I write this for the single ladies, (mostly ME!) How has that “boss babe” mentality been helping us so far? Are we seeking a strong man and saying with our actions, “we don’t need you?”  News flash, a man wants to be needed and we want to be cherished! So how are we showing up daily, when we are dating, flirting?  Are we blocking the very thing we desire by the sending the wrong message?

I don’t know everything (or close to it), nor do I know where you are at, but I do know I have been sending the very opposite message I ever intended to. What I do know is that I am a world-changer. I am wise, strong, smart, and a powerful woman in the business world. And I also know that my heart yearns to be cherished, adored and secure in the space of a strong, smart, and powerful man who leads, provides (beyond monetary needs) and protects. And even though I can do all of those things on my own, I know I was not created to spend all my energy in that way. I was created to be powerful while being part of that beautiful equation.

This is a BIG topic, I totally understand (and I do not take it lightly), however, I do know that it’s getting harder and harder for single ladies to find relationships they are looking for. So we must step back, look, and try something new. I would love to hear your thoughts beautiful single ladies!! Keep being strong and powerful. Just allow a man to have his rightful space in that as well. It’s not a “both/and” thing, it’s “how do opposites attract to move something forward with powerful momentum?!”  

I’ll leave you with a quote from Beyonce’s SINGLE LADIES, “Pull me into your arms and tell me I am the one you want.”  If that hits your heart in the right spot, ask yourself, how are you showing up today?

Every day people come to me with great ideas. Whether it be lose weight, get stronger, change jobs, better relationships, get their life straight, change their mindset, ETC.  You see, they actually think they are committed to this “new idea.” Their interest is peaked and suddenly they believe they are committed. But far too often they are confused about what the true meaning of being committed really is and mistake it for being interested.

I’ll never forget when my brother was telling me about his premarital counseling years ago.  He said his mentor was trying to break them up. Now before your jaw drops, hear me out. Truly, this is brilliant.  You see, if they were able to be broken up in the honeymoon stage, you better believe that when life really hit, that foundation would not be strong enough.  He was making sure they were committed and not just interested.

So when my clients approach me, I challenge them to a level they have never been to.  You see, I fight for my clients to win in life, I believe for their freedom, I study and spend 1000’s of dollars to provide them with tools to become the best version of them, but I am not about to go through all of that for someone who is merely interested. I need committed!

So I pose the question, are you interested or committed?  About your relationships, career, faith, sports, financial success, etc?  Where in life are you not seeing results? Ask yourself honestly, are you committed or merely interested? 

I’d like to share one thing with you.  Success will never come from being interested, it comes from being committed. When we are committed we create goals. We visualize. We do today what we want tomorrow. We create habits that produce life and we stick to them.  Here’s a great little tip— your direction in life is directly connected to your habits. What habits do you have? They will determine your direction.

Often I hear, so where do I start?!?!?!  It sounds so hard!!! Well, it starts with accountability people.  If you don’t have someone in your life that will guide you, speak truth to you and hold you accountable to your GREATNESS, sorry, it’s not going to happen…we are human.  You will find out if you are interested or committed real quick when you have the beautiful gift of accountability in your life.

Ok, I know that was a little intense, but hear me out one more time.  Beautiful, you are worth it, you are called to greatness and you have a gift to share with this world.  Believe it, trust it, and honor it, because you are a mighty woman with a mighty call on your life. Go next level, surpass being interested in life, and be committed, I believe in you!

Comparison is the thief of joy.  Ever heard that? Well, it’s true my dear.  For much of my life I fell into the sneaky dark pit of comparison at every turn, whether it be my beauty, brains or body.  It literally stole so many moments from my life. Fast forward to 4 months ago when I said NO MORE, not me and not the lives that I will impact.  I decided to enter the ultimate contest of Comparison, an NPC Bikini Competition.

I knew I had to do this because when doubt, shame, comparison, and feelings of inadequacy are left in the dark, they grow.  It is when they are brought into the light where truth overcomes and brings healing…so I did it! But let’s first get a few things straight.   I didn’t just say, “Hey this sounds like a good idea one day and step on stage the next day.” No, my friends, this took time, it took accountability, coaching, my tribe, prayer and A LOT of hard work.

You see, as a personal trainer, a woman who cares deeply about the health and appearance of her body, I was never happy with the way my body looked.  And because of that, I was hitting a wall in my personal and professional life. It was coming from within because if you asked anyone else they would say I looked great. There was a giant to be conquered and I had no choice but to face it head on with me, all of me!

So this past Saturday I walked out on that stage proud of what my body looked like, proud of the hard work I put in and proud of where I can take it.  Overall knowing that my confidence does not come from my circumstances or my appearance, but rather it comes from the supplier of my true identity, my Creator. And at the same time respecting the fact that there is a place that my body feels great at and honoring that.

Here’s the thing.  People often misunderstand what it takes to face battles. We often judge by superficial markers and forget to explore the beauty and grit in the visceral areas.  I am going to be real, it sucks, it’s a struggle and is not pretty most of the time. It takes grueling moments and some battle wounds along the way. And it’s also worth every moment….these truly are the moments where leaders and world changers are made.

Over the past 4 months, there were nights where all I wanted was a burrito, there were nights where I literally lost my “you know what,” and there were nights where I was so close to throwing in the towel.  And each time I was presented with a choice…continue being beaten down by the lies of comparison as they dressed up in “well-deserved outlets” to keep me living in that same way of being OR stay the course and fight once and for all.  I choose the latter because I have come to understand that the harder choice usually yields a far better return.

So back to the competition, I have never been as proud of myself as I was that day and I can’t wait for more moments like it.  I learned a very important lesson, (well many, but one in particular) as I spent two days with tons of other beautiful women with amazing bodies, mirrors galore and medals to be won.  I learned that true freedom happens when I CELEBRATE the calling of others and WALK IN MINE.

So my question for you,  what is your giant? What is your barrier to the next level of your calling?  Because if I am honest, if you keep playing small in life (like I was) it’s selfish.  What are you willing to face head-on and do a little dirty work to conquer?

Let’s make a commitment to show up for our life, to honor the call on our life and share it with the world.  There is only one of you and one of me and we NEED BOTH! Please share with me your battle and your truth…I am rooting for you, believing in you and standing right next to you in victory!  Love you BEAUTIFUL!