Reflection

August hits the calendar and both students and teachers alike begin to sense the dread of summer coming to a close, yet soon enough it turns to excitement as a new school year comes up on the horizon.

Almost 8 years ago now I was about to begin my first year of teaching! I was super excited to be teaching Spanish to a bunch of middle schoolers. In most seasons of life, transition can be a bit overwhelming, but this one was quite joy-filled. It was right where I needed to be, and made my heart come alive! (#nerdville) 😉 My energy for it probably equated to that of an average seventh grader. Although I loved it, life got very busy, very quickly.

As if my days weren’t busy enough, rookie teachers have the ‘privilege’ of attending a bunch of first-year teacher meetings.  Despite having good intent, I couldn’t not think of the stack of papers I could be grading, the plans that needed to be prepped and emails that awaited a response. There was one meeting however that made such an impact on me; the one where second-year teachers came to give advice to us ‘Rookies.’ It was there that the greatest advice was given to me.

The advice: You have to unplug at some point. There is always something you could be working on and need to do. And yes, sometimes that’s just how it is and you have to push through the mountains of work in order for tomorrow to run smoothly, but BE SURE TAKE TIME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. No matter how much work there is to do, you make that activity a priority, even if it’s just for an hour here and there.

How those words set me free! I needed to release myself from the strive and the craziness. I quickly joined and prioritized a workout group that met 3 times a week for an hour. It was my sanity and saving grace. I looked forward to those days as they allowed me to invest in me and do something for myself. Long after that year ended I continued to apply that advice to my life.

Here I am now, currently a stay at home mama…  I was recently reminded of those words and realized that all my time was invested in being a wife and a mama and somewhere in there attempting to keep up with the dishes and chores. Genuinely though, I’m loving this season just as I did my teaching days. There’s a lot in common with those early teaching days: the work never ends and when you’re caught up with one thing, there’s another. Upon realization of that, I knew I needed to come back to those words… BE SURE TAKE TIME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.  

Since then I committed back to my workouts and prioritizing them into my daily routine. It’s just 30 minutes a day, but allows me to invest in myself and gives me a goal to work towards.

This isn’t a plug for working out, but it is a plug for you to find something you enjoy doing and creating time in the midst of life’s busy-ness to prioritize and make time to do it.  It may seem as though there is zero time left in our days to do this, but it’s not about needing more time, but about reordering our priorities. There will always be time in your day for what you prioritize and I guarantee you, taking a bit of time to invest in yourself will give you a breath of fresh air and allow you to put your best foot forward in the obligations life has for you.

Have you ever found yourself assigned to the most random table at a wedding reception? You walk up to the seating chart (probably listed on a chalkboard) with all your friends and find out you’re seated halfway across the room. Instead of being next to your companions, you’re sitting next to Aunt Judy ‘the wino’, a socially unaware cousin, Mike, and a newlywed couple that is still color-coordinating their dress and tie.

This situation is a case of the friend table being maxed out and the bride and groom needing someone to sit at the “random” table. They chose you knowing you would be the one to offer up some banter and conversation with each person. They were right.

It’s through this picture that we realize we don’t always get the freedom to choose who we are around or who is seated at our table. And then there are other parts of life in which we have complete freedom to say who we want near us and who to keep at bay.

Let me take this one step further. Let us step out of the physical and into our minds. Think of all the different voices that we hear throughout the day. I am not talking about being schizophrenic, but the things we hear that influence us or help us make decisions or shape how we perceive something or someone.

        

Imagine a space with a long wooden dining table set in preparation for the guests to arrive. You are seated at the head of the table and you have the freedom to invite whomever you want. Those seated at this table are going to help you understand your thoughts, assist you in making decisions, get lost in imagination, help you overcome hard moments, etc. Unlike the reception table where you were ‘stuck’ for 2 hours chatting to Aunt Judy about her wine-of-the-month club, at this table you have a choice. You don’t have to put up with the randomness and you can choose to have Wisdom as the guest of honor.

I find that this extravagant table in my mind often has guests that shouldn’t be allowed to be an active part of the conversation. For example, when I am waking up in the morning, I start thinking about my day and what needs to get done. It is in that moment, that my guest Rest or Calmness can have a moment to shine. But often I hear Negative speak up… ”Ahhh ummm, seems like you have too much planned. Good luck getting that done.” Or Worry… “Ooo, I wonder what they will think if you do that.” Or Striving… “Well before you take a break, make sure you check this box. Then you’ll be ahead and you’ll have earned the rest.”

It’s all these guests that have such easy access to sway decisions and affect how we perceive ourselves, God and one another. They have power because we have given them power. We let them sit too close to us, when in reality, they need to get up from the table because they are not welcome. Any guest that is not there to help produce fruit in your thoughts is not welcome to hang around. They are passersby.

The subconscious can be a mystery and sometimes these characters are playing a huge role and we don’t even know it. I recently have become more aware of my thoughts, who is seated at my table, and who keeps interrupting. When Patience, Joy, Hope, Wisdom, Rest are close, no matter the circumstance or worry things begin to change. Fear has to leave, Paranoia flees, and then Truth comes back, Grace is extended to the person beside me, and even Love is extended to myself.

A simple way to identify the key players is to pay attention to your thoughts. Sounds easy but we often let things slip and become lazy in our thinking. This allows the guests to play musical chairs and inch by inch get closer to a place of influence.  When I start to feel anxious or worried, I take a moment. I breathe. I invite God into the situation and ask Him to bring perspective and say who I want seated with me. Grace come. New Perspective come. Wisdom make your way. When I do this, I physically become lighter and the critic is forced to leave the table. I am left with sound judgment and Hope whispering into my ear “It’s going to be ok. This will pass. You’re not alone.”

The freedom and tools we have to rewire our minds and develop healthy patterns of thinking amazes me. We are not enslaved by our old ways of thinking. If you find yourself feeling like a victim, in many cases, those are voices that are not talking about who you really are. Those are the kind of voices you are not going to invite over for a dinner party. I hope you begin to see that you are not a slave or stuck with the table that you have created. The table can change. There is freedom. Who you include at your table changes the conversation and creates new habits that are full of healthy words. It takes time and that is ok. But it can start today! Today, when you wake up and while you read this, I hope you can sense a lightness and decide to which guests it is time to say ‘hit the road’ and to which guests you give a big welcome.

Over the last 10 years, I have lived in 10 different homes/apartments, traveled to over 30 countries (spending 1-4 weeks in each), and two RV’s (spending 1-14 nights in each RV park). I’ve had “permanent” residences in 5 states and have slept in more hotels and friend’s couches than I can count. And this was all after college.

So, the concept of home to me is a little foreign.

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about what home means and if I can even have “home” because of my traveling lifestyle. Many people would define it as the city/town/house where they grew-up or a physical dwelling place. Others would say it’s metaphorical, like “home is wherever I am.” Still, some would say it’s with a person or place.

A Life is Good T-shirt says, “home is where you park it.” I think that sums up my life right now. That I must create home where I am and that even goes beyond my RV. Home must be a place that’s safe and where I’m free to be myself and express myself. Where I can work out my issues and define my ideals. It’s an identity of belonging somewhere or with someone.

I used to think that I could be a child of the world and that home wasn’t important. That I didn’t need the concept of home or a physical place. And while I do think it’s possible to travel and still have a sense of home, I think it means you must be intentional about creating it. I don’t think it’s always a physical place, but home is what you carry around inside of you.

Pico Iyer gives a great Ted Talk about the concept of home. He says “Movement is a fantastic privilege, and it allows us to do so much that our grandparents could never have dreamed of doing. But movement, ultimately, only has a meaning if you have a home to go back to.”

https://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_where_is_home/transcript?referrer=playlist-what_is_home

It’s important to have a place of rest, center, and home. A place to constantly go back to when you feel like you’re losing your way. A place where you can be still and reflect and feel grounded. Even if it’s not a physical location.

So, what is home to you? Do you have a sense of home? Is that important to you? Leave a note in the comments!

 

Recently, I was coming through immigration into Dublin, Ireland, and spent a hefty amount of time answering questions at the border. You see, my life doesn’t really make sense. I’m an American, but born in Norway… a missionary/non-profit worker/artist who has been living in Spain for 8 years and originally got there on a retirement visa… but now I’m trying to move to Ireland, researching jobs, and visiting friends for the summer… and I have less than $300 to my name for the remainder of the month. I don’t live a ‘typical’ life and I don’t look like your ‘typical’ tourist. 

This was not my first time being questioned at a border. I am well trained in what to say and how to word my situation so it can be best understood. However, I surprised myself this time. When asked what I would be doing over the next six weeks and what my days would look like, I responded: “I’ll be working on some writing; I write blogs.” A) I know better than to mention anything about working in a foreign country (This can lead to a lot of questions to make sure you’re not working illegally) and B) Since when did volunteering to write blogs once a month become official work that I tell to customs officers? 

A few hours later, after settling into my cozy Airbnb, I sat down to write this blog. There is always a frenzied conversation in my head when I sit down to write… What do I want to say? What do people need to hear? What has already been said? Does anyone even read these? Tonight, while pondering all those questions, my answer at the Irish border popped into my head… “I write blogs”… the answer had come completely by accident, but on reflection, it hit me in a profound way. 

I want to be a writer in some sort of capacity. I’ve dabbled in copy editing, done a smattering of poetry, and even talked about writing a book. Back in the summer of 2015, I took three weeks of intentional time to start my book and I loved it. I have yet to write more for my book since then, even though I occasionally look over the first few chapters and get super excited again. There has been a block in my mind about writing that has stopped me from moving forward into my dream of becoming a writer.

To be honest, I sometimes doubt whether I have the skill, style, and message to be a great writer. Those thoughts have created a block, but unbeknownst to me, writing these blogs has been a breakthrough in my subconscious. I don’t know when it changed, but I’m now calling myself a writer in my mind. In the past, I would say I’m an artist, a creative, and maybe add on that I like writing, but I don’t recall ever saying I was a writer. And then, under mild interrogation, it slipped out to a ginger customs agent who was trying to piece together the confusing story that is my life… “I’ll be working on some writing; I write blogs.” A clear and definitive proclamation that I write. I am a writer. 

They say that the battle is 90% between our ears. They say practice makes perfect. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert. They say a lot of things. But I think in these cases they were right. The battle has been in my head. A battle of doubt and insecurity. But with a little practice, like writing these blogs, I’ve begun to believe in myself more. I am nowhere near the 10,000 hours supposedly needed to become an expert, but I’m on my way. 

This is a small revelation, but I think a powerful one if we allow it to transform us. What do you love? What do you want to be good at? Start practicing it NOW and begin taking steps forward. It might be a poco a poco journey, but they say every bit counts, eh? 

For me, it took committing to this blog, something I wasn’t sure I had time for or even 100% sure I wanted to do, to begin practicing what I love. And as fate would have, or more likely God’s grand plan, with each blog I have broken through bits of my fears and worries. I am learning that I have a message, the skills needed, and that my style is developing more and more with each word I write. 

What can you do to begin wearing down that 90% battle in your mind? Is there something you can begin practicing to help you move forward in your dreams? Try saying yes and see what unfolds. Say it out loud. Your dreams are waiting!

Our minds have the ability to dream, create and imagine. They can take us to some really beautiful places, but in the same way, they can take us to some dark places as well.  The first leaves us feeling hopeful, ushers in peace and allows us to feel happiness. The latter, on the other hand, quickly leads us in places of hopelessness, restlessness, and worry. There is so much bliss that can be birthed from this place, but equally it can abandon us to depths in which no one was never meant to be trapped in.

Unfortunately, we have all spent moments, perhaps even seasons in both…I know I have. Over the past years, I have been really trying to be mindful of my mind. You see, a few years ago, I spent a season trapped in anxiety. To be honest, I never intended to share about this on the worldwide web.  In fact, I remember the preliminary discussions about being a part of sharing our lives with all of you on the internet, thinking ‘wow! What an opportunity! I’ll be open with everything, except for this topic.’ Well here I am, and actually, this wasn’t even on my radar to write about for this post, but it brought me here, so (deep breath), here we go!

Life is easy to share when it’s glam and pretty, but we need to learn to live in vulnerability. Seasons like this can sneak in without us even realizing how.  Mine slowly and suddenly crept in. It left me panicky and swirling in every single (scary) what if. I would hear stories about tragedies and then fear that it would happen to me or a loved one. Rather than my empathy being a gift of strength and connection, it was demolished by fear. Furthermore, in the process of it, I felt so much shame being there. Shame has no friends and therefore it left me wanting to hide and isolate myself all the more. Fortunately, my husband wouldn’t let me stay there. He legit had to coach me out of it which took months. The panic that went on in my mind eventually affected my physical health which landed me in the ER one night with heart palpitations. After battling with this thing for 7 months, I was set free in an instant by a prayer of freedom and healing…PRAISE GOD!

I understand that it is not everyone’s story, although I do believe that freedom is God’s heart for us. Moreover, just because I have been (miraculously) set free from it, it’s still my intentional choice to stay in that place…which leads me back to being mindful of my mind.  For some reason, especially as women, it’s a twisted tendency to find comfort in worrying. Sometimes it’s easy to keep something in the back of our minds to worry about. It’s almost as though we’re meditating on it. The reality is, it’s not our friend. It does not bring comfort and we are not designed like that.

Releasing the shame I felt was a huge breakthrough for me. It led me to share and open up about where I was and allowed light to shine on my dark places.

I only opened up to 3 dear friends about it. One told me to call her anytime I felt overwhelmed by it all. I’d cry to her every time before even getting a word out. She would kindly yet firmly speak truth to me reminding me who I am. I am not the anxiety or fear that I felt.

Next, my husband would tell me the same truths over and over and over again. It was as though each time he was helping me rewire my mind. Almost daily he’d say “If it’s not from God, it doesn’t belong there. When you feel those thoughts come in, take them captive in Christ Jesus. Say NO to them.” It sounded so elementary to me that it frustrated me that I wasn’t good at choosing it. Instead, I’d let the thoughts travel down rabbit trails in my brain and consume me, but each time I said and now, still say NO, sometimes even audibly, it leads/keeps me in freedom.

When opening up to another friend, she shared her season of anxiety with me…I cried thinking none of my friends would ever understand. She did. And she shared, “If my story can be an encouragement to even just one person then having walked through it all was so worth it.” I was that one person. That echoed word often echoes in my mind. There are people who need to hear your story. In doing so it’ll help them become free and you even freer.

Through it all I’ve learned to say ‘no’ when I feel anxiety or fear come in. If my thoughts and imagination try to take me to dark places or swirl around me like an annoying fly with their what-ifs I tell them “NO, you are not my friend.” It may sound ridiculous, but it’s true and totally works for me.  If I still need reinforcements I’ll speak my verse of truth over myself… Psalm 121:5-8

 

The LORD himself watches over you!

The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night.

The LORD keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

 

How can you be more mindful of your mind? Is your mind in a place of being renewed? Evaluate how you’re feeling: do you feel hopeful and at peace or are you restless and in a place of worry?  Examine what you let in that influences your thoughts- TV, music, movies, books, social media, etc. Do you need to make any adjustments here? Choose to partner with the Lord. Let him be the gatekeeper as you become more mindful of your mind. Wherever you are on your journey, know you’re not alone. Know there is freedom to be found in vulnerability. Yes, it seems scary, but find someone who you can trust. Your vulnerability will shine a bright light on the darkness and it will have to go. Finally, your journey of being set free is the key to someone else’s freedom.

Feel good. Look good. Do good.

Several weeks ago, I ran past this catchy slogan on the Happy Givers website, an online clothing store where you can “change the world one purchase at a time”.

As I scrolled through their website, I came upon the “Kindness is the Revolution” Collection. Those four words grabbed my attention and I knew I wanted to support their work.

After making my purchase, I thought more about this concept. Can kindness really be the revolution? And how closely is it related to their website’s slogan?

Feel good. – Have you ever heard the phrase, “Hurt people… hurt people”? Often times, what comes out of us is reflective of what is going on inside of us. If you encounter a person who is rude, unkind or mean, more than likely, they are feeling/thinking some unkind, mean, rude things about themselves. I’ve grown a lot in how I handle when someone is unkind to me or mistreats me. I realize it says a lot more about them than it does me. For “out of the mouth so the heart speaks”.

Look good. – We all want to look good and present ourselves in the best light. Be it in what we wear, how we accessorize, apply makeup, or experiment with different hairstyles. But what we put on our bodies is not the only thing we wear. We also wear our emotions. We can wear our thoughts and judgments through the expressions on our face and acceptance (or lack thereof) in our eyes. I’ve always been told that I cannot hide how I feel. If you and I are in a good place, then you definitely know it, and if we’re not, well, you know that too.

Do Good. – I am a big supporter of personal health and wholeness. I believe in practicing mindfulness, going to therapy, journaling; just about anything that allows you to process your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way.

There’s a reason why airline stewards tell you in a time of emergency, to first put your facemask on and then help others. We are best equipped to help others, when we first do the work within.

How kind are your thoughts about yourself?  This can affect how kind your thoughts are about others. And how much in your daily life would you say that you feel good, look good, and do good? Are there any areas that can be improved upon?

Lately, my heart has been hurting from the unkindness I see on the news and in social media. It doesn’t seem like we listen to each other, or at least not in an effective way. It seems there are very few people who are open to real discussions. In Proverbs, it says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his (her) opinion.”  I don’t know about you, but my momma didn’t raise no fool! 😉

Passionate discourse is a beautiful thing. Kindness is even more beautiful. 

While I may have strong viewpoints on certain issues, I also have love. I know the truth can only be shared and planted in love.  We all can passionately disagree on hotly debated topics, but we cannot expect real change to happen in the hearts of others (or ourselves) if we do not first operate in love.

When in a discussion, ask yourself, do I expect other people to listen to me but not offer the same courtesy?  Can I really say I respond out of love to them? Or am I responding out of hurt, anger, frustration, judgment, etc? All of these feelings are valid when discussing important issues, but are they helpful?

What is your end goal? To argue with someone? Or do you desire for something good, some real change to transpire? If that is your goal, then it can only happen rooted in love. And Kindness is an extension of love.

The bible has one of the best one-liners when engaging in a healthy debate:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Prov. 31:26

So yes, kindness is the revolution! And I believe the foundation lies in how we think and feel about ourselves. And from there it is how we look, how we present ourselves to others. Am I wearing a smile today or a frown? Then, through all of this, we are able to do good. To be kind to one another. To treat others as we would want to be treated. And to extend the same grace that has been freely bestowed upon us.

Who’s ready to start a revolution? 🙂

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~Aesop

“How are you still single, you are amazing?” I hear it more often than I would like (though it’s truly flattering). I really am over this season.  But what I want to focus on is “this season.” You see, it’s not easy being 36 and single, seeing all your friends in the place you desire to be, attending parties and holidays solo, etc.  But it is a season and it ABSOLUTELY serves a purpose, so I ask, will I be committed to seeking that out? YES!

For so long I wasn’t even dating and I  truly thought it was not my choice. I thought I just wasn’t meeting anyone worth dating. I wasn’t intentionally not dating (or so I thought), but when I sat down and looked at the big picture, it was absolutely my choice. I didn’t realize it, but I was waiting for this “perfect man” to walk across my path. I simply thought, “God, why aren’t you bringing him to me? I am being faithful in creating a business, working hard on myself, staying pure, and building something….surely you can just insert a man into the equation if you want….so obviously you don’t want to.”

Well, I was wrong. You see, I have learned more about myself and what I am looking for in this short dating season of my recent life than I have the past 10 years while waiting for this man I created in my mind. I get it — make a list, declare it, create it and manifest this man. Well yes, but there is another part. Do I do all of that? ABSOLUTELY and I do think it is important. But I also believe there is another part of the equation. THAT IS ACTION ON MY PART and a willingness to risk a little….be vulnerable!  Crazy thought, I know.

I honestly had no idea what to do, but the one thing I knew was that in order to get a different result, I had to do something different. So, I broke my mold and my ideals (never leaving my foundational convictions), but allowing life to happen. I have been on 7 dates in the past couple months and my mind is blown. I am learning more about who I am, how I operate, my walls and blocks that come up, what triggers them, what parts of my past are blocking my future, what I like in a man, what I don’t like, how I can honor a man and respect his masculinity, how to walk in my true femininity,  and more. And though I have not met “my person” or arrived somewhere specific, I know without a shadow of a doubt I am closer to him and the only reason is because I got into action. It really is no different than how I would advise my clients to step into their dreams. Action on their part is ESSENTIAL, so why was I not doing that in my BIGGEST DREAM of all?!?!?!

So that is where I am at. I am in “a season” that one day will end and I will begin yet another season of life that will bring its joys and growing pains. But one thing I can take with me into those future seasons is my part of the equation, how I can immerse myself in the depths of it and squeeze every ounce of wisdom, pain, growth, and truth out of it because I know God has a plan and He gives good gifts. However, I must remember in order to receive those good gifts, it takes me extending my hand and heart in a posture ready to receive, and ready to take some risk along the way. I know I am not the only one in this space, so all I can say is hold fast, don’t settle, but be settled in this season and explore at it has to give!

 

“Dogs are minor angels, and I don’t mean that facetiously. They love unconditionally, forgive immediately, are the truest of friends, willing to do anything that makes us happy, etcetera. If we attributed some of those qualities to a person we would say they are special. If they had ALL of them, we would call them angelic. But because it’s “only” a dog, we dismiss them as sweet or funny but little more. However when you think about it, what are the things that we most like in another human being? Many times those qualities are seen in our dogs every single day– we’re just so used to them that we pay no attention.

-John Carroll

“Pets are the unrivaled masters of giving back. The pleasure they take in giving themselves back to us is perhaps their greatest lesson. Like our animals, we are wired to connect. To reach out, to love. But unlike them, with us other things get in the way— jealousy, insecurity, irritation, anger. Pets help us constantly come back to what makes us human. They’re a furry version of our best selves.” 

-Ariana Huffington