Reflection

All my life I thought clarity would come from sitting in silence, reading, thinking harder, and obtaining more knowledge. Though these are all very important aspects of growth, I believe the key component of clarity comes through engagement. When I say clarity comes through engagement, I mean the dream inside of us begins to come ALIVE when we get our hands dirty and engage in life.

Since forever I knew I wanted to work with women on a deeper level— get past superficial blocks and help them become who they were meant to be. But that’s where it ended. I could not get clarity on how to do it, what it would look like, or the areas of life I would work with them. That is, not until I ENGAGED IN THE PROCESS.

So, I stepped out, hired a coach, starting literally connecting with women and engaging in purposeful conversation and activity NOT HAVING ANY CLUE WHERE IT WAS GOING TO GO.  The crazy thing is, if you have a personality type anything like mine, you know this is freakin’ HUGE. For most of my life, I held the opinion that I had to make EVERYTHING perfect (or as close as I possibly could), had to be STRONG, and had to keep everything under CONTROL before I could move forward with it…whatever it was.

Well, you can probably guess how far that took me. Not very far! I had great ideas that were all ALMOST READY, but nothing was ever HAPPENING. So I decided to try something new. I hired a coach (which I thought was going to give me the perfectly laid out blueprint to get where I was going). This is where the story began to look different from before.

First,  my Coach did not give me the perfect blueprint I was expecting. Rather she GUIDED ME to the blueprint that was already inside of me  (sounds cheesy, I know…bear with me). As she guided me through barriers and challenged me to do things I had never done before (in order to get results I had never gotten), I actually started getting really clear on my vision and goals. I was able to make decisions easier, grab onto wisdom easier, and take actual steps towards action.  Now, let me tell you, THE PROCESS HAS NOT BEEN EASIER, but the ENGAGEMENT GOT EASIER, resulting in continued CLARITY. My coaches have helped me to engage in the process through their expertise and experience. I can now literally say without a shadow of a doubt that CLARITY COMES FROM ENGAGEMENT, NOT THOUGHT.

It’s almost like I am a faucet and God is the water. I am the container that God’s creativity and clarity runs through, but it will never come out unless I actively engage in turning the faucet on, even if I don’t know what will come out. It has taken me to a place of releasing what LIFE IS SUPPOSED to look like and allowed me to just be in what LIFE IS.

It’s a beautiful process and if I could leave you with one thing, it would be this. You know when a facet that has been turned off for a while (I mean pipes turned off), and then it’s turned back on…the water spurts and sprays out, and gets a little messy, right?  And then it eventually flows in a clear stream doing what it needs to do? Well, allow that process in your life. Step out, fail forward, and trust that you were created for a purpose.  Allow the facet to be turned on and be ok with it spouting and spraying out at first. The flow will come. Don’t get caught up in the why of it, but get caught up in the process of it…it’s good, so good!

By the time this blog is posted, I will be celebrating my 33rd birthday, south of Dublin, in a little seaside village with some great friends. I’m really looking forward to it! Partly because I love the way the Irish say “Turty-tree”, and partly because it means I am well into my thirties and that is exciting. I’ve made it another year —another year older, another year wiser!

I remember being a teenager and thinking that I knew it all… didn’t we all! If I knew half of what I thought I knew when I was a teenager I would be the smartest human alive*. The teen years are an odd time —a mix of over confidence and a dash of self-doubt, toss in a bit of awkwardness, some fickle hormones, and don’t forget the unrealistic pressure to know what you want out of life before you’ve actually lived it. I am happy to have survived my teen years with as little damage as I did. 

Then came the twenties —a time of figuring out who you are and more importantly who you are not. Somewhere along the way of growing up we put on a lot things that aren’t actually us. It might be societal pressures to look or act a certain way, expectations from parents when it comes to career, religion, education, or relationships, or maybe it is just a self-preservation idea that we have attached to our identity. Regardless of the origins, I think most 20 somethings walk around with layers and layers of not themselves clothing. 

I feel like I spent my twenties taking off those layers to uncover who I really was — who God created me to be, the inner me with all my unique and beautiful characteristics. I took off layer after layer…  the coat of I need to be more outgoing in order to be taken seriously, the sweater of a good Christian girl acts and looks like XYZ, the socks of I will never be as pretty as the friend that had all the boyfriends in high school, the boots of my dreams are selfish and not realistic, the scarf of no one wants to listen to what I have to say… and so many more. Some layers were taken off in the blink of an eye when I replaced a lie with truth, and other layers were like peeling your skin off a leather seat in the heat of summer, slow and painful. But each layer was worth it. 

I was able to enter my thirties a lot lighter and more confident in who I am, but a little wobbly when it came to walking out life. After years of extra layers and restrictive clothes, it takes some time to get used to walking in freedom and true identity. As I celebrate another birthday, I feel like I am getting steadier in my walk each day. I know who I am and I know what it looks like to be fully me. There are still days when I put on some old ‘clothes’ out of insecurity, doubt, habit, or self-preservation, but I am getting quicker at stripping back down to the real me. 

What clothes are you wearing that aren’t really you? What things are restricting you, holding you back, weighing you down?

Whether you are in your teens, 20s, 30s, or an age older and wiser, it is never too early or too late to strip down to the real you, the one God made you to be. Strip down to the glorious and beautiful human that God created. Trust me, it feels really good. 

Cheers to 33 and another year of walking out who I am!

*That line is from my mom 🙂 She is a smart one. 

Current location: Dublin region, Ireland

Beverage of choice: 8 oz Flat white

It has currently been 6 months of living out of my black American Tourists bag, luging around too many books and layers for all weather conditions. It has also been a time in my life when I have been able to hug numerous friends and family, meet the new babies, dream again and attempt to slow down to discern what is next on the horizon. It’s transition. The unknown. It’s uncomfortable but it’s worth discovering the raw definition of NEW beginnings.

When you are in transition, you are asked the same questions over and over, as we all know so well. Some days I feel I am content with responding to the “What are you doing in life?” question with a simple…”I don’t know, but I’m learning to trust God deeper!”. On other days there is a small panic followed by a lack of enthusiasm as I try to fill in the blank to suppress my own unknowing.  It is these moments that help me to observe what is really happening deep within.

We are constantly changing and seeking things that are true or things that are counterfeit. Some of us change depending on our diets, how much we want transformation, what we read, what we listen to, what we watch, how we rest, what we are running from and/or towards. We are constantly changing whether for good or not so good and new ways of thinking are always possible.

I am finding that sometimes my speech and the speech of those I journey with don’t always reflect or mirror the change or NEW happening within. Maybe we haven’t stopped to realize the change and we respond in auto-pilot. Or maybe we keep playing old tapes, old speeches to the same questions when really something new is happening.

Is there a person you have known for some time and you almost know how they are going to answer certain questions or what song they are about to start singing because someone said that one word. It could be a family member, a best friend or a spouse. Are there times you hear them sell themselves short or answer a question in a way that doesn’t truly reflect who they are today? Maybe they shorten the response based on some sort of fear, or they hit an automated response that does the job but doesn’t do justice to who they are or who they are becoming.

And how about you? What questions do you keep answering on repeat about who you are or where you are in life that don’t align with the new that has been developing in you?

It may not seem like a big deal, but the danger is if we keep responding from places of old we are keeping the old patterns alive. If we stop, pause, and realize the wild beauty that is growing within and be honest with where we are in life…I believe we make room for the NEW to take root. We will respond with honesty and leave space for our communication to change as we speak with hope instead of blocking the transition from transforming us.

It’s a good thing to clear out the archives of our old responses and truly speak from the heart.  And sometimes that sounds like “I don’t know, but I am trusting God deeper” and sometimes it sounds like new vision, or confidence in yourself, or being real about your pain. It is in that place, where you can heal, grow, and clear the table to make room for the NEW. It’s time for new words and new responses. Who you are becoming is worth it!

If you would have told me 15 years ago that I would be running a creative business from my home, I would have stared back at you in utter disbelief. You see I was that kid who avoided art class, who hated the messiness of art and preferred to stay in what felt like more tangible, controllable arenas. I simply wanted no part in the creative realm. And deeper still, I felt as if I had no business being there. A chasm between the artist and the rest of the world existed. Creativity was in a very confined box, only to be opened by the chosen few.

Over the years, season by season, layer upon layer, I have come to understand that as Elizabeth Gilbert says, “In creativity, no one is left out of the inheritance.” Every single individual is unique and possesses a creativity all their own that longs to be unleashed to the world. There is no one that wholly possesses your thoughts, emotions, experiences, or ideas and therefore only you can be an agent of your unique creativity.   But like anything of value and beauty in this world, lies came against creativity and taint its original intention. I have seen in the lives of others, as well as in my own experience, that shame and fear are the biggest liars and most corruptive to our creative nature.

It is amazing how simple off-handed comments or experiences growing up introduced shame into my creative nature. I remember a seemingly small moment in my education where I worked and worked at cursive writing. I just couldn’t get it right. I would erase through paper upon paper trying to form the letters perfectly, and I remember my 8-year-old self declare, “I will never get this. Can’t the teacher just accept that I am not creative?!” I have no idea why those words came out at such a young age, related to such a small task.  But the roots took hold right there and continued to spread as I declared over myself again and again: I am not creative. I just stopped trying. A fear of failure sank into my identity that clouded many seasons and stunted many opportunities.

And then, around the age of 25, I had a teacher challenge my misconstrued idea of creativity. He was so passionately convinced that creativity is an inherit gift to humanity, a mark of being an image bearer of God that he yelled at us, “Stop killing yourself. Stop stripping yourself of creativity or you strip yourself of the image of God.” Those words shook my core and invited me on a path to discover my own creativity. God slowly began to untangle the lies, to unravel my attempts to quantify and limit my creativity and contain it within the realm of the artist.

And now here I am a maker, producing a product others conceive to be art. It still absolutely baffles me. But here is what I have discovered. Creativity has nothing to do with what it produces and everything to do with the transformative process. God has used my pursuit of creativity to transform so many parts of my heart, my character, and my experiences. I was listening to a podcast called “Cultivating Creativity” by Melissa Helser the other day and she said, “Creativity is your birthright. Remove the pressure. The point of creativity is to bring you joy and produce good fruit.”

Pressing into a creative business the last few years has been fraught with difficult, transformative moments. It has confronted a deep fear of failure, the paralyzing kind that shuts down your soul. I have grappled with this idea that I am a fraud if I don’t produce something wholly “original” which feels next to impossible in a social media saturated world. I have waded in the deep waters of comparison and come to discover there is enough room in this world for everyone’s ideas and products.  We each have our unique beauty to birth into the world and better to cheer one another on than to plague ourselves with judgment and competition. I discovered creativity is not disconnected from hard work. Ideas don’t simply come to us in some mystical way that requires little of our own agency to bring it forth. Creativity is a practice, a decision to notice the smaller moments curiosity invites you to experience and shake off fear of the unknown. It can be tedious and hard, but I have seen that if I press through the monotony, inspiration comes and those efforts transform how I bear the image of God. The difficult seasons sometimes produce the best harvest in our souls.

In the hard moments of the business, I ask myself why I am doing this, pursuing something that seems to steal so much of my time and produces so little. But again, I try to quantify what I produce and fail to notice the unseen. Elizabeth Gilbert in her podcast with Krista Tippet says, “Your life is the work of art, not what you produce.” God keeps asking me to stay in the deep end of this small business, where I am growing stronger and cultivating a discipline of staying in the crucible even when I don’t see the purpose. I stay on the path, not because I understand where it is going to take me but because I know I will be transformed with each step I take. I have learned to give myself grace that just being in motion on the path is a big deal. It is not in what I produce or how I perceive my creativity, but that I continue to show up and move forward.

So where are you killing your creativity? What lies are crippling the way you were meant to put your unique imprint on the world? The beauty of who you are isn’t in what you produce. The beauty is already there, waiting to be cultivated and revealed. To break free from the grasp of our fear and shame. Step on the path and simply start moving forward.

I desired to be married for years, but did my best to wait patiently to meet the right person.  Many referred to me as ‘too picky’ and often said that I ‘had too high of expectations’ for the right person. Well, I am so glad I didn’t settle or lower my standards. I waited and prayed and waited some more. I processed through many days of singleness with the Lord. As I waited, I found one verse that I put my faith in… Psalm 27:13-14, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” And I am so glad I did not accept the comments of others as truth because at the ripe age of 29, I (finally) met the love of my life who actually EXCEEDED those ‘high expectations.’  And it is a love story for the books…

Now, we are just 4 years into being newlyweds and one of our favorite traditions is celebrating our anniversary. Each year we go on a little getaway to spend time together. Although there is a yearly picture we take and share of us wearing our wedding attire while eating a cake saturated in rainbow sprinkles, we often do not share much more about our traditions. We take time to dance to our song (Crazy by Hunter Hayes, if you were wondering 😉 ), smile, and catch each other smitten. It really is one of the happiest days of the year!

The thing that we haven’t shared all that much is my favorite tradition of all. It brings us to a deep place of reflection, remembrance and vision casting for the year ahead. We have this huge roll of kraft paper that each year we unravel to add to.  We look back at our memories from year one until the next. Our lists aren’t so much like a diary, yet we do include special or ridiculous things that happened. We start by reflecting upon the previous years’ dreams, hopes and desires and give any updates on them. Then we make a ‘God-did list.’ This is a list of how God provided for us that year, how we experienced his goodness in the good times, and the challenging ones, then finally, we dream together.  We write little and big things that we want to work towards and pray for as both individuals and as a couple. We close it out by praying over our dreams and goals for the next year and finally, we take communion together.

To be honest, that’s probably why I haven’t shared it, because I feel like the entire day is so so sacred to us. There is so much to be found in remembering where we have come from and in dreaming about the future. On this day, we don’t just remember our togetherness, but we also remember where we were in the waiting.  These are days that used to be a far-away dream that we are now living.

I hope someday when we are old and gray we can unravel it all and reminisce about our memories in a way that it shines a light on God’s goodness and faithfulness.  I hope that we can share it with our children and perhaps even pass our traditions down to them or include them in it one day.

It’s easy each day to find a place for thankfulness, and there is such value in that, but when do we actually take time to remember and to reflect on a year to year basis? Each year when we celebrate, I tear up and feel all the more humble than the year before. God’s kindness is overwhelming, despite what challenges may face us.  Every bit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control come from the Lord.  Without his existence, NONE of these exist. Take a moment to read that again. Imagine a city without any of those things. It’s unimaginable, right? Now imagine a place where only those things exist. I’m pretty sure when we imagine that place, we have discovered the heart of God.

I want to encourage you, regardless of if you are single or married, to take time to reflect.  Remember the places from which he has brought you out. Remember how you’ve felt his heart (through love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control). Remember what the Lord has done for you. Create a ‘God did list’ that you can pass down to future generations and reflect upon in the hard times.  Take time to write down the desires of your heart and to DREAM. Finally, remain confident that no matter what you are longing for, YOU WILL SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. That, my friends, is a promise you can hang your hopes on.

Hello Beautiful Ladies! OK, so let’s jump straight in… if I’m going to write about vulnerability and transparency, no time like the present, right?   

So, I use to view vulnerability as a weakness. I couldn’t show you the depths of me because I had to keep it all together. I prided myself in being a constant, steady, non-emotional, strong woman. To me, vulnerability was weak, emotional, chaotic, and needy.  Transparency was strong, powerful, in control and deep. Transparency was just enough rawness that still allowed me to appear real, but put together. Oh wow, how I was fooled.   

I have since learned that vulnerability and transparency are both powerful in their own ways, but they are not to be confused with the same. I have learned that how I was using transparency was simply a form of control. The ironic part was, I was using transparency to cover up my insecurities. I was able to control the outcome (or so I thought) of what others thought of me, how they perceived me, and the strength I possessed. I built walls to protect myself from rejection, fear, and hurt.  (And in the spirit of vulnerability, I have to say, I never had some crazy life experience that set these into motion….it simply was life.)

Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when you are terrified of what people might see or think.”  The funny thing is, I always thought of myself as a person who didn’t care what others thought. In reality, I was worried they might think I am not smart enough, skinny enough, fit enough,….simply not enough.  In order for them not to think that, I made sure I appeared strong in every area I could.

Fast forward to today.  I AM DONE! The weight of carrying that became unbearable, unmanageable and unrealistic….it was literally crushing me. I decided to just be me.  What a concept, RIGHT?!?!! Ok, but let’s be real, I didn’t just decide that one day and the next day life was all peaches and cream. It took some tools, experiences, breakdowns, cries, yells, laughs, coaches, mentors, friends, and Jesus.  It took time and it still is taking time, but the “meat” of the work is done. Now I get to walk it out.

I could go on for days about the process (and if you would like to chat to hear it, I would be more than happy to connect with you.  It truly is worth its weight in gold!), but the point of me sharing this is for anyone that feels exhausted in life. Do you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you not getting where you want to and working so hard?  This is for you. I say this…stand with hands open, trust you were made perfectly (not perfect as in you need to keep it all together), but perfectly, as in just the way this world needs you to show up.

I’ll leave you with another quote from the amazing Brene Brown. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.” If your relationships, business, and physical being are not thriving and connecting, that might be a sign to allow some vulnerability to show up.  It might be telling you that you deserve to feel worthy and that worthiness is available for you!!! You got this beautiful, be strengthened in vulnerability. You are worth every ounce of it!

I firmly believe that while people do get lucky in life, many times it’s because they put themselves in a position to take the “lucky” opportunity. One of the biggest ways to set yourself up for opportunities is to take charge of your finances.

For the last two years, my husband and I have traveled the country in our RV. While we have run into other people in the 20s and 30s that are fulltime RVers, we definitely meet more retirees. In Fargo, one older man said to my husband, “you’re either a 15-year-old drug lord, 25-year-old pimp, or you’re way older than you look to be a full-time RVer.” There are definitely preconceived notions of our lifestyle.

A lot of people have said, “oh, it must be nice to just take time off work and travel. I wish I had enough money to do that.” It has been nice and we are really thankful to be in this position. But there are two things most people don’t know:

1. We both run our own businesses and are definitely in “start-up mode.” i.e.- we work a lot!
2. We spent three years working our butts off to put ourselves in this position.

Why did we want to become debt free?

When we first got married, our minimum debt payments were around $2,500/month. No joke. And Nate was running a small business and I was working as a marketing manager but definitely not at a manager’s salary. We didn’t have money to go out and we certainly didn’t experience any financial freedom. We took a finance class together (Dave Ramsey) three months after we got married and it was one of the smartest things we’ve ever done for our marriage. We made a plan and had the same language to talk about finances.

We wanted to be in a position where we could take an opportunity if it came up. Maybe live in Thailand for a year, or have the freedom to start a business of our own. In about 36 months we paid off more than $130,000 of debt, which was everything except for our mortgage.

I’m thankful that we sacrificed then, so we can live the life we want to live now. I want to share with you some practical tips on getting debt-free, so you can experience the same type of freedom.

Here’s how we did it:

1.     We committed for the long haul– It’s one thing to not buy new clothes for three months to save money, and it’s another to commit until the debt is done. While we didn’t completely deprive ourselves, we were very frugal during that time.

2.     We took a finance class. We went through the Dave Ramsey program. First, we saved $1,000 for an emergency fund, then paid off debt and now we’re saving for a 20% down payment on a house. Going through a finance program together got us to have a common language about money. We were on the same page and I can honestly say that we’ve never had a big fight about money because of it.

3.     We prioritized what was important. Health and fitness are both really big for us so we decided weren’t going to give up Crossfit and eating healthy. When you’re in debt-free mode for the long haul, you need to give yourself one or two small luxuries so you don’t burn yourself out. That was enough to get us through the times when we didn’t buy new clothes.

4.     We got rid of car payments. Nate sold is Miata and we bought a $1,400 Camry with cash.

5.     We tracked every penny. And I mean every penny. I knew where were spending everything. You would be surprised at how much you spend on little things until you track it all.

6.     I shopped the sales and coupons. I rarely ever bought something that wasn’t on sale, and that included food.

7.     I worked multiple jobs. Yes, it’s a pain for a while, but it helps out because you’re getting extra money and using the time to work instead of going out and spending money.

8.     We still gave at least 10% of our income to charity. This is important because I believe a person is never completely fulfilled unless they’re giving back.

Paying off debt allowed us to take a chance running our own businesses and travel the U.S. It’s literally changed our lives and given us the freedom to take opportunities as they come. Are you looking for financial freedom? What opportunities would come if you didn’t have any debt? Comment below and please reach out if I can help!

I recently read “Present over Perfect” by Shauna Neiquist and I found her part on burnout profound.

She writes:

     “Part of the crazy of it is that we don’t allow people to fall apart unless they’re massively successful. You can’t be just a normal lady with a normal job and burn yourself out — that’s only for bight people. And so the normal, exhausted, soul-starved people keep going, because we’re not special enough to burn out.” 

Two years ago I had a normal job, a normal-sized house, and a fairly ordinary life. I thought that since I didn’t have four kids running around and millions of activities that I wasn’t allowed to be burnt out. That burnout was only for people who had full schedules and too much on their plates. I learned that emotional burnout is just as real as physical burnout.

 Neiquist continues:

“Burnout is not reserved for the rich or the famous or the profoundly successful. It’s happening to so many of us, people across all kinds of careers and lifestyles.

If you’re tired, you’re tired, no matter what. If the life you’ve crafted for yourself is too heavy, it’s too heavy, no matter if people on either side of you are carrying more or less. You don’t have to have a public life or a particularly busy life in order to be terribly, dangerously depleted.

You just have to buy into the idea that your feelings and body and spirit aren’t worth listening to, and believe the myth that busyness or achievement or both will take away the pain.

And you can buy into those things as a stay-at-home parent or a brain surgeon, in Manhattan or on a farm, whether you’re fifteen or eighty-five.”

Do you believe you’re not significant enough to face burnout? Do you listen to your body, mind, and soul when they are screaming “enough!?” What are ways that you take care of yourself to prevent burnout?

While I wish I had all the answers, I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I consistently ask myself, What does it mean to give your burdens to God? What does it mean to practice mindfulness? What does it mean to be fully present in the moment?

I’ll leave you with one final quote from her book:

“And if you, like me, have also internalized some twisted-up theology that this healing and restoration that Jesus offers are not for you, that you’re a server in this great restaurant, a crew member aboard this lovely ship, then you are destined to exhaust yourself, tugging on the bootstraps of your soul, lifting something that was never meant to be carried alone.”

When I was young, we often hosted big dinner parties. My mom and I would carry these huge purple bins full of my grandmother’s silver from the basement to our dining room. We had candelabras, serving trays and all the cutlery. I would spend most of the afternoon shining each and every piece to prepare for the evening. When it came time to set the table, my mom would bring out the fine china and once again teach me how to properly set the table as though we were dining with the Queen herself. The napkins were pristinely folded, the classical jazz CD was spinning, and the candles were lit. The magic would begin.

As guests would arrive little by little, we would gather in the kitchen chatting, serving drinks and adding the last bit of seasoning to the dish. I would be the runner from the kitchen to the dining room placing the dishes around the table making sure there were not one, but two butter plates and salt and pepper at each end. The warm bread rolls topped off a well prepared evening.

The night would continue with saying grace, the sharing of the food, the comments of how scrumptious everything was, followed by laughter and quality conversation. We would eventually transition to the living room for tea and a dessert and often we would play a game of charades or Skipbo. The hectic hours and hard work leading up to the dinner was always well worth it!

I now find myself, almost 20 years later, with my own table and dishes and roommates and guests. The story looks similar, minus the silver and china, but insert wine bottles as candle holders and IKEA plates. A lot has changed, but I grew up with this instinctual family gift of hospitality that creates an atmosphere for people to be free and enjoy themselves. I have spent the last 8 years hosting hundreds of people from around the world, from New Zealand to Poland to India. My home in Spain has been an unofficial bed and breakfast since 2011!

Many of us spend hours cleaning and prepping to receive guests. I have found that the secret to hospitality is not about the stage you set or the hours of planning, instead, it is first and foremost about your genuine love for people.

The core of hospitality is and has always been about love.

It is not centered around excellence of service, atmosphere, and food (although I am passionate about these things); rather the core is the guests and your belief about people no matter their background. Our desire to care for someone will result in an expression of excellent hospitality and that is where our guests can let their hair down and lean into love. That is why I want to bring my creativity in cooking, lighting, and positioning of furniture. I want to set up an atmosphere where people can be present and for an evening, drop the baggage they have been caring at the door and rest, laugh, and walk away feeling loved.

“But entertaining isn’t a sport or a competition. It’s an act of love, if you let it be. You can twist it and turn it into anything you want—a way to show off your house, a way to compete with your friends, a way to earn love and approval. Or you can decide that every time you open your door, it’s an act of love, not performance or competition or striving. You can decide that every time people gather around your table, your goal is nourishment, not neurotic proving. You can decide.”

― Shauna Niequist, Bread and Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes

I want to end with a story that took place while visiting a dear friend, chef, and all around fabulous man, Herman Hann from Holland. This time I was the guest taking notes. He prepared one the best filets of salmon I have ever tasted. Once we were finished, he started to prepare the next course…(did I mention it was a 4-course meal). I quickly jumped up to start washing the first round of dishes. He immediately stopped me and in a very blunt Dutch manner said “Tara, why would you wash the dishes while we are together? Sit! and let’s enjoy one another’s company.” Of course, I replied “Oh, no problem, I am happy to do this!” and then I quickly realized it wasn’t about efficiency or helping out. My help was actually taking away from our time together. That moment with Herman shifted something within me.

I have now learned while hosting, it is better to be present and not remain a “busy” host. This is one way for me to love the person right in front of me.

There are times when we are all in the kitchen doing dishes and having great conversations. But I learned something that day, as a guest, and it wasn’t about paying back or helping in any way, but as a host, it was about being present and waiting to do the clean-up later.

We were able to just be and not worry about the perfection of the evening. It was really just about being together and enjoying the atmosphere my friend had created. It was enough. I felt loved. I have come to realize, through everything I learned from my family and from my years of hosting and being hosted, that love is the core and then let the expression of hospitality grow from that place.

“Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love. Be ready with a meal or a bed when it’s needed. Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it!” Hebrews 13:2 (MSG)